\\angel//

(A)

Disarray was really the only word I could use right now. Everything was in disarray.

"No, you're lying to me!" I cried, tears finding their way down my cheek.
"I'm sorry, but we couldn't do anything. It was too much for her." The tall one rested his hand in my shoulder, accompanied by those of the nurse who had sat with me for the past 20 minutes, trying to get me through the inevitable panic attack I was having. My heart was beating at the speed of sound and nothing but dim colors and blurry shapes passed my vision. Everything is wrong; I don't feel safe here right now. I knew what would be coming for me, and my body just wanted to curl up and never face light again.

It's all my fault. It's all my fault, but I didn't mean it. Not at all, I didn't mean for any of it to happen. Not now not ever.

My chest heaved heavily as my lungs fell into themselves, shrinking, so maybe I could understand what was going on just across the hall.

My girlfriend was lying still in the bed, chest petrified in the last breath she took before completely bleeding out. It covered everything, from the bed to the coat that Dr. Suh was still wearing. Damnit it's all my fault! It's all my fault! It's all my fault! It's all my fault!

"What about the baby?" The nurse's soft voice asked from somewhere behind me. My heart stalled a beat, making my body panic even more. The baby! How was the baby?
My head shot up to look at Dr.Suh. How was the baby?

"Doing just fine. She's asleep." Dr. Suh tried to smile, but even he was shaken up over the whole thing.

More tears spilled over like a cup under a faucet that you forgot about... no stopping the flow now. I was doing everything but screaming at the top of my lungs. How? Why? Why? Why! It's all my fault!

"Xinlong, can you look at me?" The nurse asked, rubbing my back once more for comfort.
Slowly I brought my head up so I could look her in the face.
"I'm so sorry- for everything that just happened," her eyes began to fill with tears as big as my own. "But we need to di-"

"Where the hell is my daughter?!"
Loud bouts of angry yelling filled the hallway as her father steamed towards me. My body began to shake in a type of fear I've never felt before. I was helpless in this moment.

"I knew - I knew bringing some strange kid into my home would end in a fucking disaster!" Her father gripped my collar, easily lifting me from my seat to my feet. His rage filled eyes bore holes into my skin and I couldn't move a muscle. I was terrified. His daughter was dead, because of me.

"Where's my daughter? Huh Xinlong? Where the fuck is she? Where's the baby? Tell me!"
His voice broke at the end, already kind of knowing what had happened. They said she was at high risk at being only 15. She could bleed out if something went wrong. And fuck something went wrong.
I only trembled in his firm grip before trying to open my mouth.
" in there,"

I pointed to the room across from our scene. He immediately dropped me back to my chair and ran towards the cracked door.

After a while he came back out. He looked like he was going to be sick and tear stains adorned his face. I'd be seen him like this before. To be fair we've never been in this situation either.
He didn't spare me a glance before quickly coming to my seat and dragging me towards the nearest exit.

The first hit was the most painful, but nothing hurt like the sound of a grown man sobbing his heart out over his past daughter. My heart squeezed in self anger.

::::::::::::::

"Would you like to hold her?"
I only nodded, Unconfidently may I add. I didn't know the first thing about babies, now I have one. And I'm all alone. Her father left me be after beating a fair amount of shit out of me, and there forth kicking me out of his house.

A small bundle of pink was brought towards me, a little nose peaking out from the massive mochis that were her cheeks. Slowly, the nurse placed her down into my arms, positioning my hands and arms the way they should be. I could only look at her in awe. "She's so tiny." I said aloud, not knowing how to react. This was our first time meeting, how was I supposed to act?

"She is small isn't she?" The nurse smiled. I only nodded. So small.

My eyes grazed over the tiny body. She's mine? Her eyes and nose were already so much like her mother's. It was crazy to me how much she reminded me of her. My eyes stared right tear up again.

No Xinlong! Not in front of the baby! You're not weak!

"I can take her back if you-"

"No!"

I shouted. I didn't really mean to, but I didn't want anything taking her from me, my heart already swollen with some type of overbearing affection for her. She's mine? My baby?

"I'm sorry Xinlong." The nurse apologized, backing away just a bit.
"She's mine?" I asked, looking up at the nurse who had been with me for the past 3 hours.
"Yes she's yours, Xinlong."

Sudden tears welled up as I looked at her. I miss her mom. Like hell.

Ooh dang .... hope you enjoyed the first part🌈