ch. 18: more than her own life

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Raelynn p.o.v.

Only a few hours after we went to Grandpa Charlie's, we were taken to a pretty meadow. As soon as we got there, I left the group, where I would never really fit in anyway. I practiced my fire powers. I created something that looked like a Phoenix. I realized it was alive. It - no, she - perched on my shoulder, slightly tense.

 It - no, she - perched on my shoulder, slightly tense

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"Ember." I said simply, naming the Phoenix. Ember made a sound like fire crackling and settled, so I think it was out of content. I created a fireball and threw it, and Ember caught the fireball in her claws and made it into a beautiful firework that exploded, leaving only bunches of bright sparks behind.

"What are you doing, Lynnie?" Daddy asked, coming towards me. Ember disappeared in a bunch of sparks and embers, which glowed like stars.

"Practicing using my powers. it might come down to it later, during the battle." I told Daddy, making fires on my palms. I wasn't supposed to know about the battle, but I got the information from people's minds.

"No, it won't. I'll make sure it won't." Daddy said, but he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I put out the flames and hugged him, because both of us knew, no matter how much we tried to deny it, that we might both be dead tomorrow.

All of a sudden, Renesmee's thoughts were loud. I froze, attentive, and heard as Momma spoke to her.

"More than my own life. Because that's how much I love you." Momma told Renesmee. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I broke out of Daddy's arms and ran as fast as he did, miles away from everyone else, and sobbed. Momma hates me, and yet when it comes to Renesmee, she'd be willing to die. My sadness turned to anger, then to fury. It's not FAIR.

"I HATE HER!" I screamed. "I HATE ISABELLA CULLEN!" I didn't care who heard. I didn't care who knew what I was thinking. I ripped a thick branch from it's tree, lit it on fire, and watched it burn, imagining it was her. I could never do this to real Bella, of course, because no matter how much hate I have for her, I could never sink that low. I could never hurt Daddy and Nessie like that.

"Lynn." I heard Daddy think, intending for me to hear. I ran further into the midnight black woods, lighting a fire on m left hand for light - even though my vision was good enough to go without it. Without thinking, I dove into a nearby river, maintaining my palm of fire even underwater.

I exited the river five miles along, going against the current, and sat near a campfire I made. I heard him find me. I didn't care. I looked towards him.

"I know you're going to give me a lecture on why I shouldn't hate her, because you'd choose her over me every time." My voice failed me after voicing those words, speaking the knowledge I'd always had. "And I'm sorry I've failed you, Daddy, I really am, but I can't bring myself to think about her with anything but hate." I admitted, crying now.

"No... No, baby, you haven't failed me!" Daddy told me, seeming shocked that I would think that.

"But then why does Momma hate me, if I haven't failed you both? And Grandma, and both Grandpas, and my aunties and uncles and Sethy and everyone else?" I sobbed. "Admit it! I'm nothing more than a failure!" I let him pull me close. I let him care for me. because tomorrow, if it comes to it, I want him to choose Nessie over me. I want him to let me die if it means she's safe.

"No. Raelynn Elizabeth Cullen, both you and your sister will survive tomorrow, even if it means I give up my existence. I swear it. Fo you understand, Raelynn? Do you?" He demanded. he sounded angry, but I felt his immense grief.

"Yes. And I swear that I'd do the same."

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