Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 36

Draco

I start cutting up a Murtlap Tentacle. He stirs in the Ashwinder egg. 

"Remember the first time we made this?" I ask. First time he ever taught me to make Felix Felicis. I was sixteen, right after I got the mark, and he said he knew how to make me feel better. The potion almost just makes you feel right, feel what to do. "Sixteen, and you and I both took some. It was the best day of my life, Sev."

He stays silent, only gives me a nod. He's been like this since we got him to stay, but that's only been a day, so not that long. 

"I remember the very first potion I taught you... Instead of a Cure for Boils, I taught you how to make a simple Sleeping Draught. You had a nightmare that night, you thought there was a monster under your bed. I gave it to you, you were so happy that you made it, that you made a potion with 'Uncle Sev'. Even though it wasn't a Dreamless Sleep, you had no more nightmares."

"I miss this, Sev. We can be like that again, you know."

"Can we really?" 

It will never be the same. It never can be. But we can still be happy again.

"Yes. It'll take time, but yes."

I miss the old Sev, but I'll never say that to his face. I remember one time, I heard Pansy tell Blaise she missed the old me in sixth year. I think it broke me... broke me more than I already was, knowing people I cared about, people who cared about me, couldn't even look at me the same way.

"How are you?" he asks. "Fine."

"What... made you do it...?"

I hoped it would take a bit longer for him to ask me that, but I guess it's been a month. It's mid March, he was bound to ask soon. "Blaise... told me I wasn't okay. I wanted to help Hare, I really wanted to help Harry. I think...I just repressed or... made my problems go in the back of my head... It sort of just came rushing forward... and it was too much. I freaked out, I... I needed a release... I was so much better, and suddenly, the small problems I had were like a huge weight on my shoulders, like I was underwater and they were just... just..."

"Pulling you under..." His tone makes it clear that he's experienced something similar, and I want to ask. But I won't. "Yeah."

"I should've been here... Are you getting better?"

"I think... I think I am. Now that I know I have problems, I can work to fix them, and I don't have to do it alone."

He looks away. I add the Murtlap Tentacle and he keeps stirring. I know what he's thinking.

"You are not alone, either. I'm here, Remus is here, Harry... Harry is here." He scoffs. "Harry couldn't care less about me, and I don't blame him."

"He really does..." I whisper. He hasn't said anything upfront, but I know he does. I think he cares like I cared about him before we became friends or got together. "He makes you eat. He makes you sleep, even if it means a Dreamless Sleep potion. He lets Patch come over here, because he helps you."

"Patch is supposed to be helping Harry."

"He is, but when Harry's talking to Remus and doesn't need Patch at that moment, he lats Patch run to your room and jump around your feet until you pick him up and play with him. I've seen you do it, so you can't deny it."

"So? Maybe he just doesn't want to see himself in me or something."

"Or... maybe he sees his mums best friend, who was confused as hell and just needs some help."