Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 17

Harry

The next month was pure hell.

Once I went to everyone about leaving Hogwarts, they shut me down. Told me it was safer here. At the moment I was curled up in Draco's lap, trying not to cry.

It got out. Someone was out for a walk, and saw me try. Now, instead of 'The Chosen One' I was the 'Attention Whore.'

Draco was playing with my hair, and my face was buried in his robes. "Dray... I don't know what to do."  He started making shapes on my back. "Talk to me then." That was the last thing I wanted to do. "Talk to someone. Please?" I shook my head.

"Harry, Hermione and Ron want to talk to you." Draco whispers softly. I shake my head. "Raven, you haven't been talking to anyone lately. You need to talk to them, or me, just someone. Tell them how it's been going with Phoebe." I close my eyes as I hear the distinct sound of the door opening and closing. "Hey Harry!"

It's Hermione, unsurprisingly. "'Hey mate." And Ron. "Hi." I say flatly, no emotion in my voice whatsoever. "Talk to us, please?" Ron says, and I feel the bed dip down. "I'm going for a walk." I say, getting up from my spot. "Harry, sit down." Ron says. I continue to grab my backpack. "Sit down. You do this every time we want to talk to you!" I turn around to face them. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Harry James Potter!"

"What?!" I say. They just need to leave me alone. Either I'll hurt them or they'll hurt me. "You know what! Stop running away from us!" I open the door. "I'll be back later." I shut it and sprint out before they can catch me, taking the long way to the lake. 

I breathe in the fresh air, taking it in. Remus is going to get mad again, not like it matters. Everything's just happened so... fast.

The therapy, the meals, school, everything is just too fast. And loud. "The world is too loud sometimes." I whisper.

Slowly, I lay on the grass near the lake, under my tree, the same willow I've been laying under since sixth year. I take out my book, quill, and ink, opening to a new page.

There's a wave

Swallowing me whole.

Everyone else, it doesn't even

Spray

With a mist

And I

I'm drowning.

I can't breath

Can't see

All I can feel

Is a weight

On my chest.

No matter how much

I scream

No one knows

I'm here.

No one knows

My pain

My happiness

My hurt

Me

"Watcha writing, attention whore?"

I look up, and some sixth years are looking down at me. I immediately close the book and shove it under me. "Go away, Chris."

He sneered at me. "No, I don't think I will. I guess I didn't throw this hard enough last time." He makes a grab for me. "Go away."

He looks at his friends and laughs. " 'Go away' " He mocks. "We all know you're only doing this because you want the attention. What, 'Chosen One' not good enough?" I shook my head.

"Get 'im!" 

All his gang came at me at once, kicking, punching. I fell limp on the ground. Maybe this is what I deserve. No one was going for the book, only my face. Suddenly, I felt a hard shoe break my nose. "Come on guys, we're done here." I could heat them run off, and waited to open my eyes again. I didn't realize I closed them.

I brought my knees to my face, and finally let my tears fall. Everyone was wrong, no one would care if I died. Shit, some people here would shout for joy.

"Harry!"

I look up and see someone running towards me. I can't make them out, because somehow, without realizing, it got dark. "Harry, what happened this time?" It's Remus, I think. "No one."

He crouched in front of me, wand lit. "Who did it this time?!"

"No one."

"Harry, stop protecting them! Was it Chris and his gang again?"

I nodded after five minutes of waiting. "Come on, let's get you to Madame Pomphrey." I grabbed my book and my bag, attempting to stand.

"Shit!"

I felt a sharp pain go through my leg, and toppled to the ground. "What's wrong?!" Remus says, leaning next to me. "M-my leg... fuck..." I grip the place where it hurts the most. "Alright, give me your hand." I gripped the hand Remus gave me. 

"Remus, seriously! You don't have to carry me!"

I was now in his arms, being carried bridal style. "It's either this, walk, or float the entire way. Want to float instead?" I shook my head, and he continued to walk to the Hospital Wing. "Harry, why do you do this?" I shrugged. "You know your not allowed outside without someone! You know that they'll be there, waiting for you!"

I need that pain. I need to feel something.

"Please, this is literally just self harm again. You can't do this to yourself. I know why you're doing it," Remus said once they had gotten to the hospital wing. "And you have to stop. Poppy!"

"I should've known you would be here." Madame Pomphrey says when she sees me. "What this time?" I look down. "M' leg" 

She leaned down and observed it. "Broke it." She flicked her wand, and I felt warmth spread through my leg. "There." I got up and was about to walk out, when Madame Pomphrey put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "Your still as thin as before if not thinner! Have you been eating?"

I didn't answer. "Isn't Phoebe supposed to be watching this?" She was watching it. "Yeah." I mumbled. "Eat, Harry. You don't deserve this." She said, rubbing my arm.

I deserved it. I deserved it.

I deserve to die.