Eleanor & Me

17 - Little Me

17 - Little Me

 

Wish I knew back then what I know now, wish I could somehow go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice. I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder. 

After a really uncomfortable and unusual way of starting the morning,-given the way it had been these past days- I got to the agency. I remembered I had to be with Wilhelmina today. And who knows how many more days after this.

I walked to Wilhelmina’s office and knocked on the door. I walked inside to find her talking on the phone, yelling at her assistant, checking out some designs that were in cream chiffon mannequins in front of her, supervising some really skinny and beautiful models that were in front of her-I look nothing like them, I need more gym, and probably to be born again-, and caressing her Chihuahua, whose name I learned is Janelle. Do not ask me how she got to do all that. She is just unbelievable. Yes, she can be intimidating as hell, but she is amazing.

Who else can do everything she does, and besides as gracefully as she does?

No one can. I am so lucky!

“Are you serious?! This is disgusting!” she yelled to the model that was right in front of her, making me jump a little. Maybe I am not that lucky. But I still am. I was losing myself in my own thoughts watching her in all her greatness. Then, her assistant walked to me and smiled shyly.

“Good morning,” I said hesitantly.

“Good morning,” she retorted, accompanying it with a sigh.

“I see she is…” I tried to find the right word, “busy, so where do I go?” I asked while trying to ignore everything that was going on around me.

“Stay here,” her assistant commanded. She turned around to fix a design that was in the closest mannequin to her and then turned around again and walked to me once more, grabbed me by the arm and took me to a corner of the room. I personally thought she was going to kill me, given the things that had happened to me in these days. I have learned that anything is possible.

“You have no idea of how lucky you are.” She started saying. Why? Because you are going to kill me?  I thought, but I knew it was better not to say anything. Probably she would kill me very quickly. No one would notice and it would become a mystery later, if anyone did ever find my body. “I have seen the way Georgia and Jessica treat you. Do you know why they do it?” she questioned with a serious expression as I only frowned in confusion.

“Because they…hate me?” I said not sure of where this conversation was heading.

Are we seriously going to talk about who hates me?

My list of haters is getting longer within the days. So you can guess it is not something I like to talk about a lot. Not even a bit. It appears the everyday I spend here, one more person hates me.

Why?

I have no idea.

“No,” she said and laughed a little. Is it funny to talk about who hates me or what? “They are like that because they feel threatened.” The exact same thing El had said. But I really think these two got it wrong.

Why would they feel threatened by me? I mean, seriously?!

Is there something I am missing everyone else is not?