Eleanor & Me

42 - Alone Together

42 - Alone Together

'Cause I don't know where you're going but do you got room for one more troubled soul?

As I sat in the living room on my own, eating macaroni and cheese from a box, I started to play in my mind once more when Eleanor had abruptly changed. The incredible and honestly unexpected ‘mood swing’. I remember how sweet she used to be. She used to understand me perfectly. It was as if I had been lucky enough to find a friend as soon as I had arrived, as if I had found someone who I would consider a sister in a few days. We had the same taste in music, in fashion, in television shows, in tea, everything. It was like I had finally found my long lost twin sister. It was just as perfect as that.

But then, everything changed in the most abrupt way. All of a sudden she just hated me. She never gave me any explanation, or said anything about it. We never talked about what had gone wrong, and I highly doubt we ever will. And it is very sad. I mean, I was growing so fond of her. I would have called her my friend if nothing had ruined it. But what makes everything so bitter and sad is the fact that I have no idea what happened. I have no idea what ruined this. And I would really like to know.

Nonetheless, we have been down this road several times. She never tells me what went wrong. Sometimes it is because she decided it that way, sometimes it is because of fate driving us apart when we are about to talk. But there is always a reason. There is always something that is pulling us apart. Can it be that we are not meant to get along?

I sigh, as I wash the things I used. The least I can do is wash and clean after myself. I do not want to give Eleanor another reason to hate me. But if you think about it, hate is such a strong word! How can she even hate me if she barely knows me? I mean, we have lived together for over two weeks now, I think, but we only got along for like two days before she just decided to push me aside and ignore me! She just decided to put me on hold, and she does not seem to change it. She did not even give me the benefit of doubt. And that is what has me so troubled. I have no idea why she just decided to ignore me out of the blue. What did I do wrong?

I actually searched for the word hate on a dictionary, just to understand better.

Hate: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.

Fear? No, she does not fear me, so that is immediately discarded. It is not as if I am intimidating in any way. And I never did anything to scare her either. 

Anger? Probably, but what for? I have not taken anything away from her as to make her angry. Why would she be angry? Let’s think about it. I would be angry if someone stole my boyfriend. Not a chance, Louis is in love with her and I do not fancy him. So I am not a threat. Do not misunderstand me, he is damn hot. But that is all I see in him. That is the only way I am attracted to him, physically. And I would never do anything to get those two apart.

But the one that really called my attention was the last one. Sense of injury. What if I had somehow injured her? What if I had hurt her? I suddenly remembered the night she introduced me to her boyfriend. Louis Tomlinson. I overreacted when I met him. I fangirled in a way that was embarrassing for an eighteen year old, I acted like an eleven year old. I should have controlled myself better, I know now that I look back at that night. I know Eleanor must have felt uncomfortable. But could she have been offended by that night? As I remember the night, I remember dismissing her as I was too busy having an once-in-a-lifetime night with her boyfriend.