Eleanor & Me

35 - Let Her Go

35 - Let Her Go

Only know you love her when you let her go. And you let her go.

Brittany looked through the window at the people on the streets as the car shifted from side to side through the curves of the city. She sighed, wondering if their lives were complicated. Wondering how she fell so quickly for a guy that was not worth it. Was her radar wrong? Because he did seem like a great guy at the beginning. But they all do, right?

Why did she always make the wrong decisions? She always thought wrong about people, always making these stupid misconceptions that brought so much pain and angst to her. People always let her down, but it seemed to be her fault for thinking of them in a way that was not the right one. But he looked so good, so…perfect. How was it possible that he was not how he appeared to be? Brittany looked at her reflection.

Her subconscious answered with no restrictions, almost mockingly.

“You are just too naïve, darling.”

She snorted. She finally realized it was true. She always gave people the benefit of doubt, thinking higher of them than even they probably did. 

She rested her head on the seat, wishing all this would just fade away. Wishing she was not that pathetic.

“Jesus, just stop pitying yourself that much!” her subconscious yelped completely frustrated.

Jackson tried to drive properly, but he was only thinking about her, about what to say, about how to mend this and make it right. He wanted to explain, maybe that way she would not walk away.

This was the first girl he ever cared about. At least after Courtney. She dumped him for his best friend when he was fifteen. Since then he decided girls were just not worth it, always pretending to be the victim. They always wanted to get something out of you, playing their stupid games. But Brittany was different. She had something genuine in her.

Probably, it was the fact that she was naïve, which to other people including his mother was a problem, but to him it was what made her unique and special. She always gave people the benefit of doubt. Brittany, always thinking highly about people. He did not deserve her, yet he fancied her. But now, everything seemed to be ruined, and he was not sure if there was a way to mend things. Brittany had a lot of problems already, and he felt horrible for bringing her more.

But he decided it was time to do something, he could not just lose her like that.

“Brittany…” he called out, with a hopeful tone.

He looked at her, her gaze was fixed on the road just the way his should be.

“Brittany, please,” he pleaded.

“What, Jackson, what?” She finally looked at him, but it was even worse than if she was not staring. Her stare looked so hurt. It broke his heart to know that he was the reason for her pain, for this pain.

Her voice trembled. She tried to be strong, but it was so hard. She knew he was trouble when he walked in, so shame on her –if we are talking Taylor Swift here. But the damage was done, there was nothing to do or discuss. So why was he trying to mend something that was wrecked up to the point of no repair? It was late for him to pretend that he cared.

They just stared at each other for a while, until the car behind Jackson honked. Jackson blinked repeatedly. The lights had already changed to green again. He sighed, ran a hand through his dirty blond hair and got the car going. They were close to her apartment now. His time was running out.