Eleanor & Me

36 - Take Care

 36 - Take Care

My only wish is I die real. Cause that truth hurts, and those lies heal.

Brittany sighed as she got into her room. She decided no more fairytales or love stories. Life was full of shit, to keep it simple, and she was tired of it. It was always the same thing, she being nice and the world being as fucking rude as it could be.

What on earth had she done to deserve all of this?

She had grown tired of thinking people were just having a bad day. Then maybe she would have a bad day as well. And no one better judge her for it.

She grabbed her chair and pulled it closer to the window. That window was her only escape inside that apartment. She grabbed a blanket and cuddled up in there, just staring at the night and the cars that faded in and out of the scene, just seeing everyone carry on with their lives as she sank in a black hole.

Things might need to change, she would just have to get some courage, grow some balls, and change them. But that would be another day, tomorrow perhaps. For today, she was only going to cry her soul out and clean it. Probably it only was to get it dirty again with some other tragedy, but none of that mattered right now.

---**---

The alarm sounded off in Eleanor’s room. Brittany heard it and incorporated herself. She had an unbearable neck pain. She had slept in a terrible position. She looked around and tried to stand up. It was impossible. She slowly rested her head again in the chair and took a deep breath. She knew her life was not half as bad as a life of a poor kid in Africa, or in Asia. Those kids you see that get raped by family members, or have to work since they are five years old, or those kids that get kidnapped, sold or anything like that. Her life was not as terrible as Precious’s, for example.

But who said her life was good?

Her life was full of shit. Full of people whose hobby was to screw you up so they could have a better life. Brittany was stuck in a place where everyone was just as miserable as her, but no one talked about it. Everyone just pretended to be okay. But she was not like that. She could not hide away her feelings. She needed to scream and shout and let it all out.

“New[dr1]  day, new adventure,” she whispered and then tried to get up once more, making it this time.

She painfully stretched, but it was necessary. Then she sighed and walked to the door. She hesitated in opening it. Anything could expect her out there. Anything but kindness. Then, she heard noise on the other side, on the hallway. That meant Eleanor was in the bathroom right now and she could have a tranquil breakfast, with no hatred from Eleanor. So, she opened the door.

Eleanor was right in front of her, awkwardness filled in the air.

“Oh, sorry,” Brittany quickly mumbled, trying to conceal her surprise.

“No, I’m sorry, I was about to wake you up, I had no idea you were up already,” Eleanor nervously rambled.

“Yeah, I am.”

“I can see.Well…we have to go to the gym.”

“Oh right, I had forgot about it, I’ll be ready in five minutes.”

“Sure.”

And with that, Eleanor got into the bathroom and Brittany walked to the kitchen to get her bottle with water ready. She was not really in the mood to go to the gym, but it would probably make her feel better. She was a bit hungry but nothing that could not wait an hour more.

Then, she returned to her room and changed into the gym clothes. You know, those tight clothes that either make you feel great about your body or they set your mind on losing some –or a lot- of weight. Then they were all set to go.

The morning went by as usual: Eleanor and Brittany not talking, Georgia and Jessica annoying them and no one around them showing any emotion. Then, they got to the modeling agency, on Eleanor’s car as usual. The only unusual thing was that Jackson’s car was not in the parking lot. Both of them noticed immediately but neither of them commented on it.

See, the thing is that you know when one of the big ones is not here because they have their very own parking lot. It is reserved for them. You are in big trouble if you park there.

Brittany was having an inner warfare on deciding whether to ask or not why Jackson was not here yet. He did work with the agency after all, right?

They got to their floor, where Wilhelmina and Richard usually are .or at least where their offices are. Apparently, they were late because there was a meeting. Everyone was in the meeting, except them. They knocked on the door and were invited in.

“Good, you are here, girls,” Richard said extending his arms and inviting them to sit.

“Late,” Wilhelmina noted bitterly.

Richard cleared his throat. “Anyway, the reason for this meeting as I was saying is that a member is leaving. Left already, actually. This morning. He just gave me a call explaining he could not stay here anymore. It is such a shame because he was very talented and we had just got him back after a long time. But apparently he had some personal issues and had to leave. I am afraid I have to announce Jackson Miller is no longer with us.”

Brittany’s jaw opened wide in surprise and shock. Eleanor’s was pretty much the same next to her. He had left? Why?

“Because he did care about you and you pushed him away, you moron,” Brittany’s subconscious answered.

“He slept with someone else! What where you expecting me to do?!” Brittany countered to it.

“Ignore it, you would never find anyone better than him. Actually, I never expected you to find anyone, so I was surprised when I saw he showed some interest for you. Now you are really screwed. And alone.”

“Shut up!” Brittany shouted, getting everyone’s gaze on her. Some even gasped. That meant that it was bad, pretty bad. She shook her head and focused back on reality.

“Excuse me?” Wilhelmina said, since she was the one that was talking in that moment.

Brittany stared at her, unable to believe what had just happened, what was happening. Everything seemed to crumble down slowly, painfully around her. Nothing of what she had was real or safe. And this was just another proof.

Just another proof that her life sucked.

---*---*---*---

 #GoodbyeJackson