Better Than Yesterday

Seventeen

10 weeks

Calum is glad he put his foot down on the whole honeymoon idea when he spends the first two days at the small resort cuddling his sick wife. Brushing and braiding back her hair as she sleeps beside him. Unsure if it was fighting it off for the wedding that has pushed her to the extreme level of sick. He felt she might have been getting better, or maybe he was just oblivious to the actual level of sick she's been for so long. His own mind wanders often as he sits in silence for hours, occupying himself with mindless TV or a book only mildly helpful in stopping all the panic and fear speak loudly through his mind.

Seeing the physical toll the pregnancy has already taken on Skye, the sacrifice she is giving physically, emotionally, mentally for their child is a lot. He'd wanted to experience this with the woman he loves, he wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with her, watching their baby grow, seeing the ultrasounds and enjoying the process of preparing their home to accept another little one. But this isn't enjoyable... watching her puke up everything she tries to eat, watching her drink the nutritional shakes that smell awful just to keep herself and the baby at bare minimum nutrient levels. Seeing the sparkle in her eye dulled by exhaustion. This isn't what he thought it would be like... this isn't how it's depicted in the movies, in the books, ever... this is awful to witness. And he hates that there is nothing he can do to fix it for her.

His thoughts change tracks often, many times wandering to the daughter he already has. Wondering if Nika's mom went through all of this alone... if she was sick too and he was oblivious to her pregnancy and her suffering. Then he worries because he doesn't even know who she is... He went through a phase of hitting up groupies almost nightly before their 2016 tour, he was in a bad place mentally at the time, and that's how he dealt with it. Nika had saved him from the person he had been becoming... but what happens if and when Nika asks? She may not believe she cares now, and as much as she loves Skye, someday she might want to know what her biological family is like... and he won't have an answer.

What if her mom had come to him when she found out she was pregnant? Would he be here loving the woman in his arms now? Would he have tried to make something work for the baby then? Would Nika be his Nika or a different version of herself?

The silence tortures him with thoughts he is afraid of and thoughts he wants to disappear. Trying desperately to talk himself out of the spiral as he cuddles Skye closer to his chest. Everything happened how it did so his life could be what it is now. And focusing on the millions of what if's isn't going to help anything.

Cuddling himself down into the blankets more, he buried his nose in Skye's hair, breathing in slowly the intoxicating aroma of her shampoo. "I love you." He mumbles into her head, leaving a few kisses across her hairline before trying to relax into a nap with her.

***

Skye slowly slides from Calum's arms, feeling exhausted, but almost hungry. Something she hasn't felt in weeks. Scribbling out a small note for Calum she changes quietly into a swimsuit and shorts, wandering out of their little villa towards the private beachfront. The sun warming her tired body instantly making her smile.

Almost immediately she is greeted by a resort employee, asking if they can get her a towel, chair, or drink. She has to hand it to Cal, he found a little piece of paradise here day of. Being on the resort doesn't feel like being in Sydney. Finding a warm patch of sand down the beach from their villa she sits down, waiting for her smoothie hoping the hunger she is feeling is a good thing. Watching the waves crash softly against the shore in front of her. Feeling relaxed for the first time in days, if not longer.

"Who's this gorgeous lady outside the bed?" She turns as Calum comes walking towards her in swim trunks a few minutes later.

"I felt better when I woke up." She shrugs.