Wings

November 1, 2013- Part Two

The minute my eyelids flickered open, a severe headache struck my temples. I groaned, and rolled over, my face meeting something warm. I smiled. I was back in Adam's arms. Our bodies were tangled beneath the soft sheets, a heap of limbs and torsos. I slowly opened my eyes, anticipating the cloudy look his green eyes held when he was half awake. Instead, I was met with icy blue irises.

"Good morning," Chris muttered sleepily.

It took me a moment to realize what had happened, and my eyes popped open. "Shit!" I exclaimed. I frantically attempted to get out of bed, realizing that my body was bare and exposed under the sheets. I scrambled out of bed, struggling to find last night's clothes. When I was not met with the heaps of dark clothing, I clutched a sheet over my naked body.

"Sydney!" Chris exclaimed. He shot up, holding his palms out towards me. "Just, calm down. Okay?" I had begun to hyperventilate, and I couldn't breathe.

I inhaled calmly, letting air flow into my gasping lungs. "Okay. Okay," I breathed. I gingerly took a seat on the edge of the bed, refusing to meet Chris' gaze. "Did we...umm... Did we?" Chris nodded slowly, and my head dropped into my lap. "Oh god," I muttered repeatedly. "Oh god oh god."

Chris got up, sitting next to me on the bed. I sniffed, wiping a tear from my burning eyes. "Hey," he said softly, placing a hand on my back carefully. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault, it's going to be okay."

I felt as though my ribs were cracking. I could barely breathe. "Oh no," I whispered. "He would hate me."

"He wouldn't hate you," Chris sighed. "He loves you no matter what, Sydney. It was a mistake." I look at Chris, and he smiles sadly. "I know that you wouldn't want to sleep with me unless you were drunk," he shrugged. "I didn't know you were until you were slurring your words." He hands me my shirt, and I quickly slip it over my head.

Still clutching the sheet, I sighed. "It's okay," I said quietly. I stare at the floor, my heart completely and utterly numb. I could no longer feel pain. I only had the thin veil of nothingness cloaked over me.

Chris found the rest of my clothes, flung in heaps around the room. He handed them to me, then turned around, pulling on his own clothes. Even when he was half naked, Chris Dermott was still a gentleman. "Shit!," I exclaimed. "Oh my god your parents-"

"They're out of town all weekend," Chris sighed. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair, staring at the floor. "Syd? Are you mad at me?"

I shook my head. "No," I said quietly. "I'm not mad."

"Are you mad at yourself?" Chris asked. I nodded, biting my lip as the tears spilled from my eyes. "Hey," he said, his expression softening. "Please don't cry." He wrapped his arms around me, and I continued to weep. "It's okay," he whispered. "I'm sorry, Sydney. I'm so sorry."

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I went home to the house next door, running upstairs. There was no possible outcome that involved being able to attend school that day. I flung myself into the bed, my body wracked with sobs. "I'm sorry!" I screamed. "I'm so sorry."

I got off the bed, wiping my cheeks with my palms. I slowly inhaled, crossing over to Adam's desk. I searched around before finding it. The metal was still stained from its use, and my heart dropped. I gritted my teeth, then quickly dragged it across each wrist. For a moment, I felt as though his skin was touching mine. The metal was slicing my arm like it had sliced his. My blood was covering the blade, as it had been covered with his.

In a way, I had never felt closer to Adam.