Wings

September 28, 2013

The day came, and I didn't even realize it at first. I woke up that morning to a knock on the door, my typical wake-up from Lindsay. She gave me the courtesy of a quiet alarm, no more calls to my cellphone with bad news. I don't think I would be able to take it quite frankly. 

The door opened, and Lindsay's face peeked around the corner. "Morning, Syd," she smiled. 

I sat up in bed groggily, desperately wanting to go back to sleep. "Hey Lindsay," I grumbled.

She sat on the edge of the bed, smiling at me. I already knew what she was going to say. Today's agenda is... "So, you know what you have tonight, right?" I stared at her with a look of utter confusion. "The dance?" I retained my blank stare. "Homecoming, Syd," she said curtly. "You're going with Chris Dermott." 

I groaned. "I would really, really, really not like to go to that."

"Well, you really, really, really, have to," she responded, getting off of the bed. She walked to the door, pausing in the doorway. "He really liked that shirt," she said quietly, refusing to look at me. "He always looked good in it, too." Wordlessly, she left.

I remained in bed for several minutes, just staring up at the ceiling. I didn't want to go to this dance. I didn't want to be held in Chris' arms, to be pressed against the warm silk of his shirt. I didn't want to be with him. I wanted my Adam. But I couldn't get him back. I would never get him back. 

I took out my phone, very slowly punching in the numbers to Chris' cell. He answered on the third ring, right before I was prepared to hang up. "Hello?" his clear voice rang through my ears.

"Chris. Hey." 

"Sydney!" He sounded so happy. "How are you? I haven't seen you at school lately..."

"Yeah, what's because I haven't shown up," I replied bluntly. I calmed down, then continued with a nicer tone. "I uh, I was calling about tonight."

"You actually remembered!" 

"Yeah. So...?"

"I can pick you up at seven-thirty from your house?" 

My heart lept into my throat. "No!" I replied immediately. "I uh, I'm not actually living at home right now. I'm staying with the Bretters." There was silence on the other end for a long time, and I was sure that Chris had hung up. "Hello? You still there?"

"I'm here," he responded simply. There was another long pause, then he finally added, "I'll see you then alright?" He hung up the phone.

Great. I had successfully alienated everyone who had ever cared about me. The only people in my life were now either dead, distant, or as disasterous as I was, and I doubted that this would ever change. I was done thinking for the day. I threw the blanket over my head, burrowing myself back into the only place I wanted to be. With Adam. 

After being without him for more than two months, it was hard to see him sometimes. I could hardly hear his voice most days, and I couldn't recall little details. But the minute that I closed my eyes, it all came back. How his hands were always cold. The way his jaw would clench without him even realizing it. The stupid smile he got when he talked about old music. It all came back.

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The doorbell rang at exactly seven-thity. I opened the door to find Chris Dermott on the doorstep, his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. He had a simple light blue dress shirt under a black tie, which accentuated his light blue eyes. When he saw me, he smiled.

"Wow, Syd. You look nice," he smiled. I straightened my dark hair and had on a tight black dress, which I had borrowed last minute from Lindsay.

"Thanks," I said quietly, then followed him out the door. He placed a hand on the small of my back, and I felt as though my skin had been ignited. I walked to Chris' familiar truck, hurrying to open the door before he could do it for me. I did not need to be treated like I was something. In reality, I was nothing.