Wings

October 8, 2013

I woke up the next afternoon, slowly blinking open my eyes. I was laying on my back, and my eyes were instantly assaulted by rows of bright fluorescent lights. I was confused and frightened, and I attempted to lift up my head to get a better view. A sharp pain coursed through my head, and I fell back, pressing my palm to my head.

"She's awake," I heard a female voice say. I attempted to move my head, but the sharp pain continued. "No no Miss Daniels, don't get up," the same voice continued. The woman entered my field of vision, and my eyes slowly focused on her. "Do you know where you are?" she asked.

"Wyatt Valley General Hospital," I murmured.

"Good," the nurse smiled. "Can you tell me your name and age?"

"Sydney...uh...Sydney Jane Daniels. And I'm...uh...umm..."

"That's okay, sweetheart. You're still somewhat confused. I'll send in your doctor, okay?" I attempted to nod, but the pain returned, and I let out a quiet whimper. The nurse left, and shortly returned with Dr. Reynolds. Adam's former doctor.

"Hello Sydney," Dr. Reynolds smiled. I could see the sympathy bubbling in his eyes, and I wanted to scream. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so great," I winced.

"Understandable," Dr. Reynolds laughed. "Do you know why you're here?" I attempted to shake my head, another wave of pain hitting my skull. "Well, you seemed to have fallen and hit your head last night. A friend of yours brought you in, said she found you in the cemetery." He paused, looking at the floor. "You were visiting him, weren't you?" I nodded, and attempted to ignore the pain. Dr. Reynolds looked up at me, and I glimpsed a sliver of grief in his eyes. "Anyways, do you remember anything?"

I tried to remember the night, and suddenly it came back to me. Homecoming. Chris Dermott's kiss. Drinking. Walking for miles to the cemetery. Talking to Adam. The lightning. "Lightning hit near me. I think I got surprised and slipped on the wet grass. I must have hit my head on his grave marker." I rubbed my head, feeling a large bandage on my forehead.

"Careful there," Dr. Reynolds cautioned. "When you fell, you got a pretty nasty gash on your head. The stitches will heal, but they're still sensitive. Your head pain is due to the concussion you suffured." I winced, confirming his diagnosis. "You had quite a slip, but you should start to feel better in the next couple of days. It might hurt for a little while, and we want to make sure that you're doing alright, so we'd like for you to stay overnight if possible." I nodded, and Dr. Reynolds placed his hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay." With one final smile, he left, leaving me alone.

Lindsay picked me up the next morning, and we drove home in silence. She looked over at me repeatedly, opening her mouth to say something. But no words came out. She would simply turn back to the road, and it would continue like everything was normal.

I spent the next week at the house, recovering from the concussion. Kimber dropped in every few days to bring me schoolwork, and she would watch movies with me while I huddled under Adam's sheets.

"It smells like him in here," she said quietly, carefully seated on the bed.

"They keep the door closed," I explained. "They want to preserve it. Leave it how he had it."

Kimber snorted. "Like one of those exibits in the museum with the stuffed animals?"

"In a way," I sighed. A silence settled over the room, and I softly murmured, "I miss him."

"I know you do," Kimber whispered. "I do too. I still think about him." She looked up at me, a tear streaming down her cheek. She laughed, wiping it away with the side of her finger. "What happened betwen him and I... you know that didn't matter, right?" I suddenly remembered- Kimber and Adam had kissed at the party. The one where I vomited on Chris.

I ran my hand through my dark hair, sighing. "I know it didn't. And I'm not mad at you for it." I could see the look on her face, and I sadly smiled. "You loved him, didn't you?"

Kimber refused to look at me. After a long pause, she softly nodded her head. "I thought I did," she whispered. "But it wasn't my place. He has you. And that's not love. Love isn't a drunken kiss in the bathroom at some party. Love is wanting each other even when you hate each other. Love is when you care so much that it kills you." Kimber paused, looking at me. "Love is what you have."

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I returned to school today, for the first day in a long time. The worst part was the staring. The bandage was still over my stitches, and there were dark circles under my tired eyes. I tried to take up as little space as possible, keeping my head down as I made my way through the crowd. A body collided with mine, and I tripped, dropping several books on the floor.

"Shit," I muttered, crouching on the ground to pick up my textbooks. A hand held out my Calculus book, and I took it, looking into a set of familiar blue eyes.

"Sydney," Chris said with surprise, his eyes wide. "You're finally back." His gaze shifted to my head. "Shit, are you okay?"

I nodded, refusing to make eye contact with him. "Yeah, I'm fine. I fell."

"I heard," he muttered. He fidgeted with his hands, sighing. "Look, I'm sorry about Homecoming, Sydney. I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal-"

"Drop it, Dermott." I got up, leaving Chris on the ground. "I've gotta go. You should get to class." I turned and continued to walk down the hall, leaving my oldest friend behind.

It's lunchtime, and I'm sitting on my bench. Our bench. It feels wrong to claim it as mine. In reality, it's nothing without Adam. It's just another cold piece of metal to touch my skin.