Wings

July 23, 2013- The Repast

The burial went slowly, and I felt ready to scream by the end of it. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself onto his casket as it lowered into the ground and scream, "LET ME DIE WITH HIM." But I didn't. I stood in silence, placed handfulls of dirt over him, and that was that. No more. Adam's parents let me see his gravestone, which would be put in as soon as possible. It reads-

Adam Bretter

August 17, 1996- July 19, 2013

We love you to the moon and back. See you soon.

I cried when I saw it. It was so touching to me, so special. It broke my heart impossibly more. There was a reception after the service on the back lawn of the church, so we all walked back over to the awaiting guests. Kimber walked over to me, and a look of shock plastered my face. Her normally choppy red and black hair was now utterly different. It was a warm blonde color, the strands curled into spirals, and she wore shades of pink makeup on her face. A strand of pearls hung around her neck, and she looked completely foreign.

"Kimber-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I look nice," she rolled her eyes. "The red and black was getting too depressing for me. Wanted my old hair color back. Even though I look like a loser," she added smugly. I could see the hurt behind her eyes, but she tried to pull off her trademark smirk.

"Kimber, it's okay. You don't need to act all tough."

Her eyes narrowed. "Well, fuck you. I'm swell! Nothing's wrong here, I'm a-okay."

I pulled her into a hug before she could react. She stiffened, but gave in, and broke down into tears.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "Everything just hurts so much."

I nodded. "I know, I know. It does for me too."

I let her cry for a while, then she pulls away, wiping her eyes. "I'm going to go find his mom okay?" I nodded, then gave her a sad smile before she waved and left.

I plopped into a white spindle chair, observing the attendants around me. Everyone was talking an laughing, having a grand old time. Was no one remembering why we were here? My boyfriend had just been buried, and no one was acknowledging it. I wanted to die. 

A body plopped down next to me, and I turned to see Lindsay. She smiled crookedly, then threw herself at me. "Heyyyyy Sydney," she cooed, hugging me lopsidedly. I could smell from here that she was drunk. Inexplicably drunk. She giggled, holding up her flask. "You want some?" she asked eagerly. I took it from her, tossing back the liquid into my throat. It was vodka, of better quality than I had ever drank, and I was glad for some release today. "You know, I found him," she began. "He called my name and I came into the bathroom, and he was sitting in the empty bathtub, just bleeding. And I started screaming and crying, and he just smiled. He looked at me and fuckin' smiled. And he went, 'Hey, it's okay. It's okay, Linds. I love you, everything will be okay.' And I jumped in there behind him and wrapped my arms around my baby brother, and he said, 'Linds. I need you to do something for me. I need you to tell Sydney that she's beautiful okay? That she's beautiful and I'm so sorry. And tell her that everytime she says that she loves me to the moon and back, I hear it, and I'm responding. Tell her, Linds. Tell Sydney that I love her. I love my butterfly.' And then he was gone, and I tried to save him. I tried." I'm crying, but Lindsay is unaware. She's drunk, and I can't do anything about it. 

"Lindsay, I'm gonna go talk to your dad, okay?"

She giggles and nods, and I go off to find Ian. I find him sitting alone, watching all the people. I sat down next to him. "They all look too happy."

"Nah," he said with a small smile. "They look lonely. 'Ah, look at all the lonely people.' Eleanor Rigby. He used to like The Beatles a lot."

I nodded. "When I couldn't sleep, he would sing me Blackbird."

Ian turns and looks at me with a small smile. "No kidding? I used to do that with him." He lets out a small laugh. "What a kid." He paused. "This is going to be awkward, but did you two-" i nodded, earning a smile from Ian. "Good. I'm glad that he experienced some happiness before he was gone."

I gave him a small smile, then cleared my throat. "I'm sorry if this sounds strange, but um, Lindsay is pretty wasted over there." I point to Lindsay, who was waving and giggling at a statue by then. "I figured you might know how to handle it, since you're her dad and everything."

Ian sighed, standing up. "I'll take her home. I don't need to be here any longer." He turns to look at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I want you to know that you can always call me. Or text me, whatever you kids do. If you ever need anything, to talk, to get out of the house, or if you just need to cry. Let me know." I smiled, nodding, and he gave me a final hug. "You'll get through it. Stay strong, kiddo." I watched from afar as he walked to Lindsay. She was talking to him, looking unhappy, before he picked her up, carrying her to the car. She was asleep instantly. 

So here I am. Sitting by myself at the love of my life's service, waiting to leave. I never wanted to be here. I want to be with Adam now. God this hurts so much. I miss him more than I can handle.

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I'm sorry ):

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