This is from Chapter 23.
Special Chapter
Sage Leugim Del ValleNapangisi ako nang mapait habang pinagmamasdan si Zarin na kasama 'yung kapatid ng boyfriend ni Erin. Hindi ko 'to kilala pero alam kong nakita ko na s'ya dati. Galing sila sa kung saan. Hindi ko alam na close pala sila?
"Ate Erin, you're drunk," the guy told Erin.
Napangiwi si Zarin, mukhang naaaliw sa tawag no'ng Joshua kay Erin. What? She likes that?
Napanguso ako at kumuyom nang bahagya ang panga ko. Does she like it when people call her sister Ate?
I shook my head. Ano bang iniisip mo, Sage?
Nagtama ang mga tingin namin ni Zarin at agad akong umiwas ng tingin, hindi s'ya nginingitian. If this is a normal night, I would immediately smile at her. But I don't like it when her attention is on someone else. Kahit ang pagsusungit n'ya, it's weird that I want it all to myself. I was never the selfish type of person, but with Zarin, parang nagiging gano'n ako.
I was bothered about Zarin and Joshua. Lalo pa nang hinila ni Vaughn si Zarin sa kung saan. Hindi ba s'ya pipigilan ni Erin? Tiwala ba talaga s'ya sa mga lalaking nakapaligid sa kapatid n'ya?
Maayos naman siguro sila, Sage. Nagseselos ka lang. Kaya natatakot ka at nag-aalala kasi hindi naman kayo gano'n kalapit ni Zarin.
Our relationship is different. I couldn't even call myself her close friend because I feel like she hates me.
I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't notice how Erin poured and gave me drinks after drinks. Hindi ko na napansin na marami akong naiinom lalo pa't parang hindi naman umeepekto sa akin. I just started noticing it when I stood up and everything swirled.
"Sage!" Tawag ni Iea sa akin at hinawakan ang braso ko para paupuin ulit ako.
I frowned at her and pushed her hands a bit.
"Don't touch me, Iea."
I don't like it whenever she becomes clingy to me. If it was Zarin or Erin, I guess it's fine. I don't know why I feel uncomfortable when it's Iea.
"Sage, you're drunk," aniya at sinubukan akong hawakan but I pushed her a bit and sighed.
Hindi n'ya ba naiintindihan na ayaw kong lumapit s'ya?
I closed my eyes as I sat back down again. Ang ingay. This place is stuffy too. I hate the flickering lights. Masakit sa ulo at nakakahilo. I like staying home instead of places like this. But I heard that Zarin will attend this party kaya sumama ako. Erin was right. She told me that Vaughn will be here. Pati na 'yong kapatid ng boyfriend n'ya.
Nang dumilat ako, nakita ko na hinihila na ni Erin paalis sina Kuya at si Iea. I wonder where they'll go? Kasama ba nila si Zarin?
But when I saw Zarin's back, standing a few feet away from me, I stood up and went near her. Ang ingay pero parang inaantok ako. This feels like a dream. I slowly hugged Zarin from the back and I got a whiff of her feminine perfume.
"Sage! Ano ba 'yan?!" She hissed and I smiled.
Ang sungit. Ang sungit naman ng Zarin ko.
Her waist is so small that it feels fragile inside my arms. A fragile Zarin. Pakiramdam ko ay magagalit s'ya kapag nalaman n'yang idinugtong ko ang salitang 'yon sa pangalan n'ya. She was always strong and independent that sometimes I'd feel insecure. Because I want to be part of her life. I want to do things for her. Pero paano ko 'yon magagawa kung parang kaya n'ya na'ng mag-isa?
"Zarin..." I called her and I smiled.
Even her name is beautiful.
"What?" Tanong n'ya at umikot s'ya para harapin ako.
Ang ganda. In this dark, stuffy, noisy place, her beauty shines and dominates.
Gusto ko pa s'yang yakapin. I didn't know how good hugging her felt. It's comforting and sweet. Niyakap ko ulit si Zarin at ipinulupot ko ang mga braso ko sa mga balikat n'ya. I can smell her hair now. It smeels good too.
"Sage! Uuwi na tayo!" She commanded.
Before, I'd give in to whatever she wants to say. But tonight, I felt like I finally had the courage to decline. I want to give in to whatever you want to say, Zarin. But I like hugging you more than anything now. Before, it's only your smile and your eye rolls. Now, it's hugging you.
"Ayaw ko pa," I said as I hugged her tightly.
"Hindi mo naman pala kaya! Bakit ka ba kasi naglasing, ha?" Galit n'yang tanong sa akin.
Bakit nga ba, Zarin? Is it because you talked to that Joshua and that you've become closer to him? Is it because Vaughn pulled you to God knows where and that he's one of your closest friends? Jealousy. Maybe that's it.
Kumalas ako sa yakap ko kay Zarin at pinagmasdan s'yang mabuti. I want to ask her. But when our eyes met, my thoughts became blurry. Hindi ko na alam bigla kung ano ang kailangan kong sabihin sa kan'ya.
I suddenly felt upset. Why isn't she hugging me back?
I sighed as I pulled her arms and wrapped it around my torso. Now that she's hugging me too, it feels more comforting.
Natahimik si Zarin. Akala ko ay magagalit s'ya. I stifled a smile.
"Ah," I smiled. "Ganito ka pala patahimikin," I laughed.
Sa huli, nagpatianod din naman ako sa paghila sa akin ni Zarin. Pupunta raw kami sa café para mahimasmasan ako. I don't know what she's talking about, honestly, because I think I feel great. O baka 'yon ang nararamdaman ko dahil hawak n'ya ang kamay ko.
Napangiti ako habang tinitingnan ang mga kamay naming dalawa. I intertwined my fingers with hers because I'm curious about how it feels to hold her hand that way.
Uminit ang mga pisngi ko at itnago ko ang ngiti ko. Her hands feel small and delicate. She tried to pull it away but I didn't let her hand go.
"Don't," ngisi ko dahil sa gulat ni Zarin sa ginawa ko.
Maybe I'm really drunk. I would've gotten so nervous if I was sober.
Gusto ko sanang ako na ang um-order ng kape para sa aming dalawa nang makarating kami sa café but she insisted na s'ya na ang bibili.
"Bakit mo naman ininom?" Irap ni Zarin nang makabalik na s'ya sa table at binibigyan na ako ng kape, tinutukoy n'ya ang mga alak na inabot sa akin ni Erin kanina.
Bakit nga ba?
"I don't know. Maybe I was frustrated," I mumbled.
I hate seeing you with other guys.
"Frustrated with what?" She asked but I didn't answer.
I realized that even if I'm drunk, I couldn't tell her and let her know how I feel. Because that's how much of a coward I am. Because that's how careful I am about keeping her. I want to let her know... but I couldn't because I might lose her. I don't want that, Zarin.
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