Dear Diary

Chapter 104

It's been two days since I came home from the hospital, two days since I heard the news that shattered my world ... and two days since I've last eaten and slept. I've just had no appetite since I found out that Dobey died and, although my stomach felt hungry, it was like my mind just couldn't register it; and every time I closed my eyes, thoughts and dreams of Dobey would always wake me up again.

I haven't come out of my room either in those two days; with the exception of needing the bathroom. I just lie on my bed facing the ceiling. It's the safest position. If I look anywhere else, memories rush to my head that I honestly can't deal with.

I never cried so much in my life as I did that day I found out about Dobey's passing. I cried until I literally couldn't anymore, my face cramped and my lungs shuddered from the intensity of the agonizing feeling in my chest. I never even cried so much for Seth.

I knew that I was worrying my parents by not leaving my room nor eating, but the thought of food made my stomach churn. 

Was this what Dobey felt like that caused him not to eat? 

It was cruel questions and statements like this that plagued my mind. Normally I would go for a walk to clear my head from such thoughts but, then again, it was something that I always did with Dobey.

By the time the third day came around, after finally managing to sleep for an hour, I woke up to the sound of rain hitting my window. My eyes gravitated towards the glass and I watched as droplets of water ran down and touched the windowsill. I suddenly had the strange urge to feel it on my face.

Pulling my covers aside, I stepped into my slippers and slowly made my way down the hall to the back porch. I paused for a moment as I looked at the dreary weather outside ... and the now vacant spot where Dobey would always sleep in the day.

I closed my eyes for a moment, bracing myself, and slid open the glass door. The cold winter air hit my face as I stepped outside and I immediately cuddled into my gown. Forcing any memories trying to surface away, I walked towards the steps leading down to the lawn and stood a moment, feeling a few drops hit my face before sitting down and wrapped my gown tighter around me.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but it was long enough for the front part of my body to be completely soaked, but I didn't mind. It felt so refreshing to feel something other than emotional pain. To be honest though, I couldn't feel anything at the moment. It was like my brain just had an emotional overload and shut down because of it. I wasn't even thinking of anything anymore. In a way I felt disconnected, like my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't get it back.

It took me a while to realise that footsteps were approaching me. They were too heavy to be my mom's and too far between to be my dad;s. They definitely weren't the pitter-patter of paws either. I closed my eyes. If it was a robber, I didn't care. A dangerous thought, but I was just too exhausted to care or worry anymore.

"Lizzy?"

I blinked as it took a moment for the voice to register in my mind. Richard. I slowly turned my head to look back at him. I didn't say anything as his eyes widened slightly, taking in my appearance, and he quickly walked up to me.

"What are you doing in the rain? You'll get sick," he stated as he took off his jacket and wrapped it around my wet shoulders. I didn't say anything and instead looked at my slippers, now wet and the odd splash of mud.

"Come on, you can't stay out here in this weather," he said and attempted to get me to stand but I didn't move.

"I'm fine here," I said, my voice gravelly and hoarse from not being used in three days.