Dear Diary

Chapter 38

The Easter holidays have come and gone and it was the beginning of school once again. Everyone was upset about it as now was when exams would begin. But to be honest, I was the tiniest bit happy for school to start again. Why? Because I may have ever-so-slightly, kind of missed Cole.

Missing someone is a foreign feeling for me. I've never actually felt like I missed someone, not in a long time anyway. I don't feel sad when they're not around no matter who it is. Yet, I know I do miss people because I act differently, I just don't feel it. 

When my sister first got married and moved out, I would find myself walking aimlessly about the house and would glue myself to her side whenever she visited, also getting irritated if someone tried to join our conversations. But I never actually felt like I missed her. But it was different this time. I knew I missed Cole.

Every morning for the whole week I would wake up, get excited to think that I was going to see Cole only to realise that there was no school. What's wrong with me? Who was ever disappointed that there was no school? I knew I liked him, it explained why I missed him, but I've had crushes before and I've never missed them. Sure, I've missed seeing their good looks, but I never missed someone as much as I have Cole. I was not only attracted to his appearance, but his personality was becoming more appealing to me as well.

So, you can imagine how giddy I felt to go back to school the day after Easter Monday. The whole day I had forced myself not to smile too brightly, especially in English when I felt his presence near me. And when the bell rang I had to use all my willpower not to instantly run to his side. The only people who knew we had contact were still only Richard and Anne. It would definitely send tongues wagging if they saw me walking besides the good-looking bad boy. 

That and also I was too shy to do something so bold anyway. What if he pushed me away like he did every other girl? Which were many. No, thank you, I'd rather just appreciate from afar.

When the time had come to be tutored, I had first gone to my new locker and placed my bag in it, only taking out what I needed. I turned around and jumped back at the fright of almost hitting into the corner of the wall. I was still getting used to seeing through only one eye and my right hip has painfully taken the brunt punishment for it. My eyelid has a small pink line, but thankfully you only see it if I close my eye.

I tried to be slower as I made my way to Mr Tuttle's classroom.

 When I had arrived at school the following Monday, I had been extremely embarrassed to be seen by Cole, fearing that his opinion of me had changed. In English he never spoke to me, but I could feel his gaze on my face which left me feeling extremely self-conscious. The next day was a tutoring session and I had almost dragged myself to it, dreading every moment, but to my relief, Cole never once brought up the incident. 

Well, I was relieved, but also a little put out that he didn't ask. It showed me that he didn't care. And I'll admit it hurt, but I soon got over it thinking it was stupid of me to be so sensitive about it.

I clutched my books to my chest as I felt my foot suddenly slip and I held onto the wall for support. I looked around to see a cleaner a little distance from me mopping the school floor with very soapy water. I made a mental note to remember that later. I did not want to slip and fall in front of Cole. That would be very embarrassing, and I think I've already had enough embarrassing incidences in front of him to last me a lifetime.

The session went on as usual, but I grew very frustrated with myself when I realised that I had forgotten most of the work due to the week-long holiday. I knew I should have worked on my maths because my memory is so poor, but I mean, come on! A holiday's a holiday!

Soon the hour of torture was over and Cole and I started to make our way out the classroom. Richard had told me that he had a meeting after football practice and so he wasn't there waiting for me like he usually did. 

I held my books closer to my chest when I felt Cole walk quite close behind me and it made my body tense when I felt the heat radiating from him. However, I had forgotten to remember the fact that the floor was slippery and I shrieked as my legs slid out from underneath me.

I thought I would have landed painfully on my behind, but instead my back collided with a firm chest and instinctively arms wrapped around my waist. My eyes flew up in shock and I saw Cole looking down at me with those chocolate eyes which showed nothing, his hair slightly tousled and falling into his eyes. I had the sudden urge to rake them away with my fingers.

My face turned scarlet at the thought and I remembered that his arms where still wrapped securely around me as we continued to stare at each other. My whole body tingled at the contact. I instantly looked away embarrassed and regained my footing. 

However, it required me to lean more against Cole to stand up straight due to the fact that my arms still held my books. I blushed a deep red at the friction.

He let go of me once I was steady and I avoided his gaze as I quickly locked the door, squeaked out a small 'thanks', and took off down the corridor without another word, his touch still lingering on my waist.

-

The next morning I arrived at school and was greeted by Richard as usual. We made our way into the school building and I raised a brow when I saw two people suddenly stop talking to glare at me. I frowned. What was up with them?

As we walked to my locker, I was growing increasingly aware of how people stopped their conversations to look at me. The attention was unsettling because I didn't get a good feeling from it at all. I didn't voice my thoughts though as Richard seemed oblivious to it all and I didn't want to worry him.

As the morning wore on, it only grew worse. When I entered a classroom people would stop talking and stare at me and only start muttering once my back was turned. I felt myself retreat further into my shell. It didn't help that I had no friends in any of my classes before break so I couldn't even ask any of them what was going on. No way was I going to confront one of the whispering people; I don't have nearly enough confidence for that.

When the bell for break rang, I dashed out of the classroom. People murmured as I walked past them and some even cast me looks of disgust. I frowned. What did I do to make these people hate me so?

When I finally made it to the usual spot where my group sat, I found them all huddled together discussing something quietly. I saw Anne look up and she sent me an apologetic look. That confused me greatly.

As I made my way to them, they immediately hushed and looked at me. "Okay, what's going on?" I asked, finally sick of all the whispering, as I sat down between Anne and Amy. 

I saw all the girls hesitantly look at each other as I took a sip of water. Natalie was the one to speak and I almost spat out my water at her words.

"Lizzy, are you sleeping with Cole?"