Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter 2

The next morning I feel heavy. Too heavy to move or speak. I just stare up at the ceiling and listen to Finnick's breathing.

Just yesterday I was fine with probably dying, but now. I dreamt of Mariann's family, of Finnick, Johanna. And now I don't want to die. My life is shitty, but I have people. I have people. And now I will die. Because Johanna will be in the arena and I won't let her die. Finnick might be in there. I don't know how I am supposed to survive that. I can't kill them. From my skill level I could of course, but I love them. I love them so much.

And now I will lose them. Either through death or dying myself.

But I have to prepare non the less. I have to train in order to protect them and get as far as I can without losing them.

I sneak out of Finnick's arms and send a notice to Melinda that I want to train today.

After writing the still sleeping Finnick a note, I get dressed in leggings and a loose top and walk to my trainer's studio with a bag filled with clothes I can change into after.

"Talisa!", she exclaims and hugs me. "I am so sorry. I heard the news. Well everybody did. It is just not fair", she mumbles as she pulls me in an embrace.

"I need to train. Run long distance, weapons training, building up strength. All of it."

She nods. And sends me on the treadmill for over an hour. I am a sweating mess after and she makes me do drills and strength-building exercises. Some weapons training follows and then I lay on the floor, huffing and puffing.

Melinda throws a bottle of water at me and grins.

"See you tomorrow"

"Don't you have other clients?", I question.

"Of course, but you are my priority. You pay the same amount and are actually nice to be around."

I laugh. "So bad?"

She rolls her eyes. "Believe me. All they do is complain about the non-existent roll at their stomach and flaps on their arms. And I just do the same things every day and never get to use weapons."

"You poor thing", I chuckle. "See you tomorrow"

Back at the apartment, I look for Finnick, who is in his room packing a small bag.

"You are leaving?"

Finnick looks at me with so much pain in his eyes.

"Yes. I have to be there for Annie. After our parents died everything she had was me and now I might be reaped. She must be so scared. I am sorry, love."

I shake my head. "No. It's the right choice. Family is the most important thing right now."

"You are my family Talisa", Finnick says softly and takes a hold of my hand, "and if you come from these games victorious and we both are alive...I will make it happen. I promise you."

I smile and kiss him slowly. "I would love that. But now go home. We will see each other again, no matter what."

"Hey, we are going to meet before the games. And after. We will get through this", Finnick says.

"We can die. We are strong but not invincible. I know it is hard to accept. And if we are in this arena together, you will go home. Not me."

"Talisa."

"No. You will survive. You will be with Annie, one way or another. You will find love again sometime and will have children that play at the beach. Because I will die in the arena if you are in there too, and if you are not, then I still have to go against 23 other tributes, one of them Johanna and I cannot become that person again. I will kill, that is for sure, but I won't kill for myself", I explain, urgency in my tone.

Finnick grimaces. "I could never love like this again."

"Finn. Please, promise me. Because I need to know that you can be happy."

"I cannot promise that. Because I love you. I love you with all my heart and all my soul. You are a part of me. Your love is part of me. With you, I feel whole and safe and great. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I could never promise you that I will ever love somebody again if I lost you. Could you?"

And there I go, crying again.
"No, I couldn't. If you died, I would die. I love you too. I adore everything about you and I would probably go insane if I lost you. It's just...I wish we could have had all of that. That we could get married, have children and a house at the beach. I wanted that for us more than anything in the world. And I could never admit it because it is all just a dream and could never be true and it would just hurt too much."
Finnick's eyes widened.

"You would marry me?", he mumbles.

"Of course I would", I half laugh, half choke out.

"I...I just thought that maybe we would not be able to get there", he says, eyes cast down.

"I would. Anytime. I love you. I will always love you until I die. And if there is life beyond that I will love you then", I am full out crying now, and my clouded mind has an idea. I get down on one knee as it is tradition in most of the Districts.

"Finnick Odair. If we live, if we survive or find each other in the afterlife, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?"

He stares at me, completely baffled.

"I...Of course, I would. If you will still want it", he says and I laugh, pulling him close.

"Always."

We kiss, softly, slowly and our hands wander, exploring the other's body as if it was the first time. My shirt falls to the floor and Finnick kisses along the tattoo on my spine, giving me goosebumps. I pull off his shirt, in the same slow pace he did and kiss every inch of skin that is revealed. My legs hit the bed and I crawl back while Finnick pulls on my pants, ridding himself of his own as well. Kissing up my leg and my upper body finding the spot which makes me arch my back off the silky sheets and let out a gasp. I quickly switch our positions, my body pressed to his as my fingers trace the sides of his body, along the ribs down to his thighs.

The room grows warm as does my body as we shed off the rest of our clothing and I feel as if I could burn up any second. Finnick nipped and kissed the side of my neck while his hands move around my upper body, his kisses wandering down my collarbones while his hands find my chest, caressing the mounds of my breast. I nip at his earlobe which causes him to groan and switch our position once more, looking down at me lovingly.

"I adore you", he breathes out and I feel my heart pounding in my chest as I return the words, stopping for a moment as his fingers find my centre and I moan.

Once more our bodies unite and become one, our breaths fast, our pace slow as we just look at each other, sharing kisses.