Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter XXXVIII

So we dance. I pull Finnick up and Johanna, Gloss. The others join us and the bartender turns up the music.

"Hello, love. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It was just, you know, the way you smiled at her...I guess I got a little jealous", I mumble, trying my best to not stumble over my words, because they seem to jumble up in my brain.

Finnick swirls me out and pulls me back in.

"There is no need for that. I hope you know that."

"I do", I smile and then swap with Johanna, ordering water at the bar and soon the other join, leaving one after the other until only our small group of three remains.

"Well I am going to head to bed", I smile and get off the stool, almost falling.

"Come on. I'll help you", Finnick offers and together we move up the stairs and step into the elevator.

"How did you meet Torri?", I ask on the way up.

"We meet in the hallway. And she was alone and you weren't in your room, so I invited her along. How was your day?"

We step into my room and I change out of my clothes into a simple long shirt, while Finnick stays in his boxers.

"I got to meet Cinna, Katniss and Peeta's, stylist. He is great. We made a photo series for advertisement and for the magazine. Then I had to go to the doctor to get a shot and after that, a crazy lady paid to draw me."

We settle into bed and I want to cuddle up to Finnick, but he moves back ever so slightly, so I just lay down in bed, reaching out with my hand which he takes and caresses.

"You had to go to the doctor?"

"Yeah, to get a contraception shot. I think all the girls get them because Snow doesn't want to have a big scandal about a baby and the whole ordeal with who has to care about what."

"So you can't have children?"

"As long as I regularly take the shots, no. I love kids, I love Mariann's children. And if I would live in a different world I would like kids."

"I want to have children. A child that I can teach swimming and fishing and how to use a trident. I can picture it. A mini-me running around the beach collecting rocks and shells."

I kiss the back of his hand. I can imagine it too. Better than him probably, since I already drew it. But just as Mariann's little ones, my kids could go into the games and I wouldn't survive that.

"Maybe someday", I smile and turn to my side, gazing into his beautiful eyes that I have drawn way too many times as well, before closing my eyes.

In the middle of the night, I wake up and hurry to the bathroom. This time I guess it is also because we drank a whole lot. Finnick stirs awake once I slip back into bed.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, just a little sick."
He smiles and pulls me close. "No more drinking then?"

"Not for some time", I mumble and fall back asleep.

We wake past noon, to the sound of my tablets pop up notifications. It seems to be a rising routine of ours.

But it is halfway good news. One more appointment and then I can go home and then the victory tour will start and I get to meet the girl on fire as well as the baker boy. Then there will be the announcement of the Quaterquell in about two and a half months. It's the thing I dread most. Maybe they will be putting only 12-year-olds in the arena, maybe only girls or boys. It can't get worse than the 50th with double the tributes.

It is the usual procedure, with a small letter and a dress delivery and a paid-for make-up artist. I wear almost nothing. A two-piece in silver with a skirt so short it barely covers my butt and a top that is long in the back but barely covers my bra in the front. Not only does it look weird, I feel more than uncomfortable in it. The stylist is a prepped up man, who is way too cheery and makes me want to strangle him, but he is only doing his job. On my way down I walk into Cashmere, who seems to be coming back from a shopping trip.

"You look like a glorified prostitute", she says and I roll my eyes.

"That's exactly what we are, shiny"

The party's at one of the most expensive clubs in the Capitol and I am literally the guys' lapdog. His little pet that he touches all over and forces to dance. And then when we arrive at his loft, I expect the usual, but no, he slams me into the wall, making me dizzy while ripping the clothes off my body. As we land on the bed and I am ready to tune out whatever is going to happen, I am trying to think about Finnick, the ocean, Mariann's kids, anything but this. But I feel a burning pain in my thigh and something wet running down my leg. I come to my senses and realize that it is blood. That that bastard cut me. Passionately he sucks at the wound, his lips red from blood as I scream at him. He raises his knife again, moving the cold blade against my stomach and just as he starts to apply more pressure and the first droplets of blood appear I kick him into his balls, making him collapse. His hold on the knife is almost nonexistent as I take it from him, throwing it across the room as I struggle to get up, but with a headbutt and a punch to the nose, I get him off me and run for the door, but get tackled to the ground. He sits atop me, he already naked, me still in underwear, his erect member pressing up against me, making me feel sick. He laughs and starts choking me, his mistake is not noticing the knife only a few centimetres away, not realizing that trying to get my underwear off and only using one hand to hold me down was a stupid idea. So I grab the knife and use all my might to sit up, loosening his hold on my neck and then driving the knife into his.

His eyes widen and I push him over, fleeing the apartment, struggling to breathe or walk, falling in the elevator and crawling towards the exit of the building because I have no feeling in my legs. The car with my usual driver has to be parked outside and if he sees me, if I make it near enough that he can see me, then he will drive me to a hospital, at least that is what I hope. But the glass doors are a barrier that I can't overcome, my arms grow weak, my vision blurry, my thoughts fuzzy. But then a woman with blonde hair and green facial tattoos enters from the outside, stopping at the sight of me. Everybody in the nation of Panem knows my face. The Capitols darling, it's princess, it's jewel.

"Please...", I mumble out as my vision darkens. But the blonde angel crouches down and something wraps around my thigh, a cloth.

"Please...", I mumble once again, then I sink into darkness.