Mnemosyne's Youth

Chapter 25

It's my second night on Rayburn's pad.
I'm staying at his place but he felt so far away from me.

He changed.

Akala ko noong una, hindi lang s'ya sanay na may ibang tao sa pad n'ya, but I was wrong. He's  ignoring me and he's keeping a distance.

Ang bigat sa loob na bigla ay parang nag-iba ang trato n'ya sa akin.

Did  I do something wrong? Was I too bothersome?

He's not talking to me, pinaghahanda n'ya ako ng pagkain sa umaga, ihahatid at susunduin sa school, paghahain ng hapunan pero kulang nalang, maging abo na ako sa paningin n'ya. Two days with him went like that.

Ang bigat sa pakiramdam. I expect him to talk to me, I expect him to gather me in his arms like he usually does but what happened is the total opposite of it.

Ngayong araw, nag sabi s'ya na hindi ako susunduin dahil may gagawin s'ya.

Naiinis ako pero hindi ko naman makuhang magalit, kaya nanahimik nalang.

He's getting complicated and I can't figure him out.

Wala naman ang dalawa kong kaibigan, hindi sila pumapasok. Sunod-sunod kasi ang laban nina Aly, si Pheobe naman, out of town raw.

It's fine. I tried convincing my self that everything is alright.

Kahit hindi na ako kausapin ng kahit sino, ayos lang. Napagdaanan ko na 'to, hindi na bago sa akin. Sanay na ako.

I smiled bitterly.

Lagi nalang.

I took a cab to take me back to his place and about thirty minutes later, I arrived at his building.

Walang tao sa unit n'ya, tahimik. Nakaramdam nanaman ako ng lungkot.

Bakit bigla nalang nagbago ang timpla n'ya?

Maayos naman ang naging pag-uusap namin bago n'ya ako dalhin rito.

I sighed and laid on one of his sofa.

His pad is huge, definitely a bachelor's pad. The color of it is typical. Black and white. Sometimes there's a bit of color red but everything came out plain.

He has lots of books too, but mostly about medicine. Hindi ko nga alam para saan 'yun at bakit s'ya may ganoong libro.

But who am I to judge? And who am I to ask? He's not even talking to me so how would I know.

Marami pa talaga akong hindi alam sakanya.

Kung hindi lang ako pumayag na mag stay rito, kahapon pa ako umalis.

Ayoko nang ini-ignora ako. I hate the feeling of being set aside when I'm trying my best to be appreciated.

Who wants the feeling of abandonment anyways? No one.  Not even me, never.

I can tell that my temper is rising up so I tried calming my self.

Natamaan ng siko ko ang remote control na nasa gilid, napa buntong hininga nalang ako at nagpag-desisyonan na manood para malibang ang sarili.

But time pass by, I got bored. Palipat-lipat ako ng channel, walang magustohang panoorin.

Damn it. I'm getting cranky.

Napantayan ng inis ko kay Rayburn ang pangamba ko kay Marcus. That's how I fuckin feel right now!

Lalong dumoble ang inis ko nang alas otso na, wala parin s'ya.   Nang-gigigil kong pinagkukurot ang sofa, malapit na ngang masira ang tela.