Payne in the Ass

3. Why We Don't Wake Up Curly in the Morn

Fae's POV

My phone beeped, waking me up. It must be a reply from Sammi. I texted her our new address last night so she wouldn't show up at our old apartment. Sigh. Why is my pillow moving up and down? Simple answer. It's not a pillow. Therefore, I conclude it's a chest. More specifically a chest with four nipples. What? Even more specifically, a chest that belongs to Curly. Oh, ew. I tried to move so maybe I could get up and then stomp on his face, but he had his strong arms wrapped around me in a very tight hold. I didn't like this at all.

I reached my arm under my own pillow and pulled out a tiny water gun. I put it there just in case a wolf dog/spider/Kardashian tried to attack me overnight. Not that I'm paranoid or anything. Luckily, the water didn't evaporate out of it, so I refocused my attention on Harry.  

Now, I could do this nicely or- "CURLY, GET YOUR ARSE UP AND YOUR ARMS OFF ME OR I WILL TAKE MY SCISSORS AND CUT OFF YOUR MANHOOD. DO IT NOW, YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS." I squirted him in the face and his eyes flashed open, looking around the room confusedly, before settling on me and narrowing in anger. He released me out of his arms. So I take it he's not a morning person? "You're going to pay for that, Feisty." Guess not.

I hopped out of bed just as he did and swung open the door, running out as quickly as possible, while knocking over my suitcases to create an obstacle for him, and slammed the door. "EPONINE TVEIT, SWEET ANGEL LOVER HELP ME." I screamed, running and flailing around down the hallway, pounding on every door, looking for Eppy's room.

"FAE!?" Eponine opened a door at the end of the hallway, her wild bed head hair in a big curly blob. Haha. Blob. FOCUS, FAE. I ran down to the door and grasped her wrist, pulling her into the room across from her room, yelling out a "HE'S COMING!"

"Who's coming?" Eppy slurred out groggily, her eyes half closed behind her black glasses. I shushed her as I heard footsteps outside the door. "Feisty, I know you're in there." I had a mini panic attack as I waited for him to open the door. But he didn't? What's going on? TIME TO PANIC...at the disco. BADUM TSS. I opened the door a tiny bit to peek out, just as Harry was opening Liam and Eppy's door right in front of us cautiously. I guess he thought I was in there. Aha, the day is mine! It looks like my screaming and pounding woke everyone else up. The boys were behind Harry waiting for him to open the door fully, looking rather pissed off at their alarm clock: Me. Whoops. I opened the door completely and literally kicked Harry's butt like a not so subtle ninja into Liam's room before pulling Eponine down the hall, since she still seemed a bit asleep. "COME ON, EPPY."

"COME BACK HERE, YOU TWO." Harry threatened. That got her up. We ran into the huge kitchen, screaming. We need weapons to defend ourselves. I opened the fridge door and reached for the best protection I could find at the moment: four cans of whooped cream. Wow. What fattys. Just kidding, I love whooped cream. It's like my life. I'd marry whooped cream. I'd rather be dating whooped cream than Harry.

I tossed two cans to Eponine just before the boys ran in, all yelling something along the lines of "GET THEM!"

Eponine and I shrieked in surprise before shaking up the cans and squirting them with whooped cream as we attempted to run out of the kitchen. "TO THE BARRICADE!" I yelled, quoting Les Misérables, the musical in which Eponine's mum named her after. We ducked behind the loveseat next to the couch.

"YOU CAN'T JUST WAKE US UP AND EXPECT US NOT TO BE..angry?" Louis yelled when they ran into the living room after us, faltering once he couldn't see us. 

"They're probably hiding in one of the rooms. Come on, lads." Harry said. MWAHAHA. They'll never get us now. I heard footsteps going off in different directions.