Payne in the Ass

16. Love and Other Disasters

Eponine's POV

"But Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

"No buts."

"Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills, ya know what you've got t'do when life gets you down?"

"We've got an hour left of recording today, girls! It'll go by really quickly, just please stay focused!"

"JUST KEEP SWIMMING,  JUST KEEP SWIMMING,  JUST KEEP SWIMMING, SWIMMING, SWIMMING, SWIMMING. WHAT DO WE DO? WE SWIM, SWIM, SWIM, SWIM. HA HA HA HA HO-HOW I LOVE TO SWIIIIMMMM-"

"Sammi, please."

"But-"

"No breaks!"

"YOU, MISTER, ARE NOT A VERY NICE OLD MAN!"

"Old?! I'm 28."

"Do you have alzimmerhimes, Oldie?"

"Do you mean alzheimer's?"

"Same difference."

Sammi was currently arguing with our manager Dan the Turtle Man, because today we had some recording for our next album to get done and so far, we had not been given one food break.

Sammi needs food like plants need sunlight for photosynthesis.

That sounded a lot less nerdy in my head.

Sammi, you poor child.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaseeeeeee-"

"FINE! Fine, you girls can leave the studio." Dan covered his face with his hands in stress.

Sometimes I feel bad for Dan.

But I really need to pee so....

Pee VS. Dan's Sanity.

Always choose pee.

I ripped the headphones off of my head and raced towards the bathroom, pulled my pants down and urined like there was no tomorrow.

I like to think about the meaning of life as I let out my bodily fluids sometimes.

This whole situation is just really awkward.

But what would be even more awkward would be if someone was also peeing in the stall next to me.

You know what really awkward silent synchronized pee session you have when the person next to you is a stranger?

Don't pretend it hasn't happened to you.

It has.

If it hasn't, you are lying.

Lying is not nice.

As Will Ferrell once said to me, "YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES."

 It greatly applies here in your case.

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands before exiting the loo and looking for my homegurls.

I didn't see them around the lobby of the studio, so I passed by the front desk, politely waving at Isamar, the receptionist, who in case you were wondering, wasn't really doing anything related to recptionistology.

She was googling pictures of...um, my boyfriend and his band. 

And reading some kind of fanfiction called Payne in the something.

That's about as far as I was able to read of the title before she noticed I was staring and quickly closed the window, her cheeks flushing.

I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING IZZY.

I. SEE. YOU.

I tried not to laugh as I exited the recording studio.

It didn't work very well because I made a sloth cross donkey choking sound.

It was quite beautiful, actually.

As soon as the cold air hit me in the face (not literally because that would hurt..), I was attacked by millions of bright flashes (again, not literally attacked).

HELP.

I'M BLINDED.

Kidding, it's just paps.

The studio was surrounded by a large, black gate that kept all the paps and fans at bay.

Awh, fans are stalking us, how sweet!

Wait....