Leave you wanting more

Chapter 10

Cody has to help me up the stairs, the feelings are too overwhelming. Tears blur my eyes, loud sobs vibrate through me, and I'm hyperventilating. The heartbreak is worse than last time.

"This is my fault." I collapse to the floor, bend my knees, and hug my legs. "I forgave him, let him back in, and trusted him. For someone so smart, how could I let myself get fooled?"

"Lorraine, don't blame yourself for his actions. You did absolutely nothing wrong," he says, rubbing my back, stopping my destructive thoughts. "I need you to believe that."

I want to believe it. But how could I have been so stupid? Is this the kind of love I deserve? What's wrong with me? I want to say exactly that to Cody, but I'm too tired to argue.

Cody grabs the pillows and blankets off the bed and brings them to the floor. He places the pillow under my head and covers me up in the blanket. "I'm not going anywhere little sis." He leans back against the door and rubs my back until I fall asleep.

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I ran out of tears yesterday. That'll happen when you cry basically nonstop for three days. I've barely left the room. Cody checks on me constantly, bringing me food, water, and movies.

I need to get out of this funk. It's Tuesday of my spring break and I've done nothing. I stare at the knick in the wall, you'd think Cody would have fixed that already.

My door creaks open.

"Cody, I told you, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine to me, snickerdoodle," Mom says in an understanding tone.

The tears that disappeared, reappear when I see my mom in the doorway.

"I have an extra large snickers blizzard with your name on it!" She enters the room and gives me one of her award winning hugs.

I take a spoonful of ice cream and put it in my mouth. I'm not afraid of a little brain freeze, I need the chocolate to soothe me.

"Have you talked to him?" she asks.

I nod. "He keeps calling and texting, but I'm not answering," I murmur with my mouth full of ice cream. I don't care about manners right now. "He's been reaching out to Caroline and Kristina, too, but they aren't telling him anything."

"He's been to the house a few times," she says, gauging my reaction. I continue to eat my ice cream. "Sweetie, I can only imagine what you're feeling." She rubs my back.

I stir the ice cream with my spoon, searching for a big clump of snickers. "I don't know how I feel, Mom. I mean he said he loves me. But if that's true, he wouldn't have done that." I look up at my mom in defeat. Her crystal blue eyes show sympathy as she holds back tears. No parent wants to see their child hurt, but my mom seems to always feel my pain.

"How could I love someone that treated me so poorly? I'm so stupid. I gave him so many parts of me." I stab my spoon into my blizzard and take another bite of ice cream.

"Oh, sweet pea. Love is a tricky thing, especially when you're young. Sometimes you have to experience heartbreak to understand what love really is."

I take the last bite of my ice cream and look down at the empty carton. "What does that even mean?"

"Give yourself time." She engulfs me in a hug, her sweet honey scent calming me. "I believe love, real love, never fades. It isn't always easy, but it's worth it."

My tears begin to flow again.

"You have to ask yourself, is what Logan puts you through, really worth it?" Her voice breaks. "You may not feel like it right now, but you'll be okay." She kisses the top of my head as she continues to hold me as I cry.