Leave you wanting more

Chapter 5

Our school library is a magical place for me. I walk in, and my anxieties and stress disappear. During the school year, it becomes a part of my daily routine; wake up, go to class, eat, go to the library, go home, and sleep.

The third floor is my favorite floor. Plush chairs surround the study tables, silence fills the air, and the crisp smell of books in the air, quiets my intrusive thoughts, allowing me to enjoy my favorite hobby; losing myself in knowledge.

So why am I sitting in the sorority house's study room rather than my oasis? I ask myself the same question every time I hear a giggle from across the hall.

"Lorraine."

I wince under Kristina's pointed gaze. "Can you repeat the question?"

"What is the primary role of the somatic nervous system?"

"To connect the central nervous system to the organs, muscles, and skin."

Mitch and I have been studying for our first neurobiology exam of the semester. Kristina offered to help me study, since he's on a date with Becky tonight. I could have taken a night off, but I refuse to settle for anything less than an A, which means more studying.

"You know your stuff, Lorraine. Why don't we take a break for the rest of the night?"

I shuffle through my pile of flashcards. Four. I answered four questions incorrectly.

Kristina tilts her head to the side and sighs. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"I can't help it. Every teacher expects me to be perfect."

She narrows her eyes. "Are you sure it's not you expecting yourself to be perfect?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I'm the med school scholar. I want to feel like I deserve it."

"No one doubts that."

My face falls and I stare at the floor. "I got an A minus on my first paper." I know an A minus isn't a bad grade, but for me, it shows how much I let this breakup affect me.

I don't need to explain to Kristina what I really mean because she gets it.

"It's official. You're taking the night off! We're going to pop popcorn, put on New Girl, and hang out." She organizes my pile of cards and runs up the steps.

I take the stairs two at a time, wringing my hands. "Please don't mix up my cards!" She places them neatly on my dresser and turns to me for approval as I sigh in relief. "That works. I was about to have a heart attack."

We giggle and sit on our own beds. Kristina points the remote to our small TV that's on a built in ledge and turns on New Girl.

Kristina's cackling at Winston's attempt to set up his cat has me grinning. It's in moments like these that I feel like I'm discovering myself. My patient friends support me but also push me out of my shell. They binge watch Netflix with me, go on walks, take me to gym, and invite me out to parties in between my incessant studying.

Weeks later, I still break into angry tears and fight the urge to contact Logan. But my friends are always there—every time.

"I think I'd want a boyfriend like Winston," Kristina mumbles with a mouth full of popcorn. "I want someone sweet and silly that makes me laugh."

"I'm partial to Nick. He builds a foundation of friendship before pursuing anything romantic."

"Maybe you'll find your Nick." She wiggles her eyebrows.

"I think it's a little too early to move on. But I'll help you find your Winston."

She grunts. "I'm not sure he exists. How pathetic am I? Twenty-one and never had a boyfriend."