Radio Interview (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 34 ~ Louis

Chapter 34 ― Louis

What had I done? I was a bloody idiot. I left her there, crying because I was a coward and selfish arsehole. I should have stayed there with her but instead I went away, taking the easy way out but at the same time, the most painful one. My chest hurt so much it was almost unbearable, I was in my car but I didn’t feel capable of moving. I was numb and everything seemed unimportant. The contest, the band, the fans, everything. I had left Havi and in that moment whilst I was thinking of what I really did, I realised I couldn’t just accept what I had done. It was a mistake. My biggest mistake.

I let Eleanor walk away once and now I was doing the same to Havi. If it hurt me so much when it happened to me, I could perfectly understand what Havi wanted to say. I hadn’t done the right thing, I just made another mistake and I felt worse for this one.

I remembered the pain in Havi’s voice and the way she looked at me before I walked away, the hope in her eyes, wanting me to say that I was going nowhere, that I was staying with her. That was what I should’ve done.

How on earth did I just say goodbye to her? To the girl who made me happy again, the girl who had taught me that I needed to think of my happiness too and that I couldn’t just avoid the greatest things in life for fear of someone ruining it.

I had made a mistake, I knew that the moment I crossed the door and I needed to fix it, but she wouldn’t listen to me if I came back in that moment, so I had to do something different. I couldn’t just tell her that I was an idiot and promise her that I wasn’t leaving her again. Why would she believe me after what I did? I needed to prove to her that this time I was staying and I was able to stand up against the whole world for us. And I could only think of a way to do it.

Screw management. Screw our fans. I was going to fix this.

* * *

Of course Havi wasn’t in the station and Joy didn’t want to look at me. She avoided me all the time as if I had a contagious illness. I didn’t blame her. The boys were also mad at me saying that I shouldn’t have done that to Havi, but when I told them what I was going to do, they gave me all their support saying that whatever the consequences were, we were going to stick together.

We had already met all the winners of the contest and all of them were nice and lovely fans. Some of them cried, some of them froze and some of them acted normally. It was fun to recognise each girl from the calls and I was really happy with the ones I picked. The four girls I had selected during the weeks the contest lasted were Louise, Sophie, Mishal and Cat and the four of them were adorable. All of them had asked me about Havi and how she was doing, saying that they were really sorry about what had happened. Sophie also showed us some pretty good dance moves. She was the one that wanted to become our background dancer.

We hadn’t talked about it yet, but it was an idea that the lads and I had and we were going to ask management to let us get what we wanted: all the winners of this contest to appear in our next music video. We wanted real fans, not models and actresses, for our next single.

We were behind the small stage they had prepared for this gig when Joy walked there to introduce us. I was nervous for what I was going to do, but I was sure it was the right thing.

“Everyone, please welcome One Direction!” Joy exclaimed and we walked to the stage greeting all the girls we had already met. They clapped and screamed loud, incredible because they were only twenty girls.

“Before we start,” I said calmly though I was shaking inside. “I want you to hear this and please, someone record it and make sure to upload it on the Internet because I need all our fans to see this. This is me doing the right thing,” I added taking a deep breath.