I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Thirty Six.

"So you two have been together for a week already? And you hadn't said anything?", Arya asks.

"Yeah, well... I wanted to tell you guys but I didn't want Emily to find out", I shrug.

"What does she even have to do with you telling us? We don't even talk to her!", Jordyn exclaims.

"Well, I'm kinda talking to her at the moment", Ashton says.

"You are?", I ask him, widening my eyes.

"Well, not like talking like we're in that talking stage or anything, I mean, we talk... in class and... sometimes in the hallways-"

Jordyn rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, "Yes, yes. We've heard enough about your imaginary relationship with Emily, Ashton. We don't care"

I can tell that she's still hurt, but she'll never admit it. She's too busy pretending to be tough and strong. She obviously cares, but she's trying to pretend she's more annoyed than sad. She's got a different way of thinking and I sometimes wonder what's going on inside her head.

"Well, I'm sorry. I was just saying, okay?", he says trying to get her to calm down. "Why do you always gotta be like this?"

Then, it almost looks like she wants to say something back, but she hesitates, groans and angrily walks away.

"I love Jordyn, but damn, why is she always so angry at... well... everything?"

"She's hurt, Greyson. Leave her alone", Arya says, crossing her arms.

"Why does every girl gotta be so dramatic?", Ashton asks.

"Because she likes you!", I say.

"Yes, I know."

"And you just don't care?", Arya adds.

"I do but I had to tell her the truth"

"Which was?"

"That I'd", he scratches the back of his neck like he's realizing something. "Never feel the same way"

"Is that exactly what you said to her?", Greyson asks.

"Well... yeah. I told her to maybe go after someone else because I'd never feel that way about her. I didn't think she'd take it to heart, or that she'd get mad or anything... she rarely ever seems to care about anything... and I didn't really think she'd get hurt. I thought she'd want me to be direct and well..."

"She has feelings, Ashton!", Arya exclaims. "And yeah, she might want us to be direct with her but you were a little too direct this time! And not only that but do you know how bad it feels when the person you like talks to you about someone else?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"I don't think it's such a big deal, though... like okay yeah, he was direct and all but that's better than simply leading her on...", Greyson says.

"Yeah, but still, maybe be a little more careful with what you say to her next time?"

He rolls his eyes, "yeah, okay, I will, but can we just please go back to what you originally wanted to say? You didn't tell us you two were dating because..."

We all look at him for a couple of seconds but decide not to say a word. "Because... I didn't want you guys to be asking me about it while Emily was around. I didn't want her to know"

"Do you want her to know now?", Arya asks.

"No, not yet"

"Why?", she asks.

"Because I really don't know how she's gonna take it"

"I don't think she'll get mad or anything since she was the one to break up with him in the first place", Greyson says.

"Yes, but you don't understand. She suspected I liked him while they were dating, and the only reason she broke up with him was that she thought he was in love with me"

"Which he was", he says.

"Yes, but imagine if I just go up to her and be like 'hey, guess what? You were right. I wanted to steal your boyfriend'"

"But, you liked him first", Arya says.

"Well, yeah. But you know how she is"

•••

I'm sitting next to Emily at lunch and there's a guy that's clearly looking at her from the other side of the room.

"Have you seen that guy over there?", I ask her while subtly pointing his way.

"Which one?"

"The one in the black sweatshirt"

She looks at him and he's not looking at her anymore. "Oh yeah, he's in math with me. What about him, though?"

"You really didn't notice? He was clearly looking at you... he might wanna ask you out", I jokingly tell her.

She gives me an annoyed look, "Even if it were that way, I really don't care"

"Why?"

"Are you kidding me? Are you really asking me that right now?" Oh my god, she knows. She waits for me to say something, but then says, "Because I'm done with boys. That's why. Boys are trash. I broke up with my boyfriend because he was apparently in love with you, while he was dating me. I mean, what's the whole point of it. That guy might end up liking you as well at some point"

Now she knows what it's like.

"It's not like I intended for that to happen either, you know"

"I know, it's not your fault, but still... Harvey... Bryce... all of them , they're trash.", she says as she looks down at her plate"

"But you were the one to break up with both of them"

"Yeah, but look, Bryce was a good boyfriend. A great boyfriend, actually. Like, I could tell he liked me. I could tell he was interested, and he treated me well... didn't have other girls in mind... so... I think it was only Harvey the one that's trash"

I don't like what she's saying that about my boyfriend. But what am I supposed to do? Tell her to not talk trash about my boyfriend who she doesn't know is my boyfriend?

Oh but wait... I can stand up for my friend.

"He's a good friend, though"

"Hopefully that's all he's ever gonna be to you... because he is not boyfriend material at all. I mean, would you even date him after what I'm telling you?"

I don't know what to say. I'm not thinking straight. "No, never"