I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Twenty Two

"What? I can't believe this. Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I wasn't sure of how I felt"

"And you're sure now? You're not gonna ruin this for me, you know"

"I'm not planning to, you ruined things for me and Bryce, and I wouldn't want you to go through that"

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, "No, Morgan, let me say this again, I didn't ruin anything. He didn't like you"

I hate how straight forward she's sometimes... "Well, if he didn't like me and liked you instead, maybe you should've stayed with him, because... I saw Harvey first"

"No, I saw him first, and then I told you about him"

"Right, to get me away from who I liked"

"Look, I don't even know where you're trying to get with this. It's completely pointless, but I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable being around the two of us. You were third-wheeling! I just wanted you to meet someone. I wouldn't have wanted you to be suffering for someone who didn't like you"

"Yeah fine, but you know who did like me? Harvey. He liked me first. He kissed me first. I deserve to be with him"

"I'm sorry, but no, Morgan. You're acting like a little kid, you blew your chance, things are what they are."

"You're only saying that because you don't know how it feels. If you knew what liking someone who is not interested in you, but in your friend instead, then you'd understand"

"That's not my fault, I'm sorry. I can't be sorry I liked Bryce, just as much as I can't be sorry he liked me back. And I also can't be sorry about the same thing happening with Harvey now. Feelings are feelings.", she shrugs.

"But you always get whatever you want. Let me have this this time. There are a thousand boys out there who would be pleased to be your boyfriend. Why did you have to choose the one I liked?"

"Because I didn't know you liked him! Maybe that would've changed everything, but then again, it's not about me just going like 'hey, I'm not gonna like him anymore', it's not like it's something you can control"

"Okay, but how do you know I didn't try to tell you I liked him? You were always coming up to me like 'Harvey did this, he said this to me, he is this, he is that.' I tried to tell you how I felt about him, but you don't listen."

"I do listen to you. You know I'm here for you, maybe there was actually just something holding you back. Maybe there was a reason why you didn't want to tell me, but don't blame it on me."

"Okay, you know what? Maybe you're right, I thought that if I didn't tell you I liked him, you wouldn't go after him. I thought that maybe you had gone after Bryce because you knew I liked him, and that if I didn't tell you I liked him, you wouldn't go after him"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Yes, it does. I told you I liked Bryce. You knew how in love I was with him, and did that matter to you? Not at all!"

"Because I liked him too!"

"And Harvey likes me", I exclaim.

She frowns, she looks really mad now, "No. Harvey doesn't like you. If he did, he would've asked you to be his girlfriend, but he asked me, not you, okay?"

And in that moment it really hit me. He doesn't like me. If he did, he'd... well... maybe if he truly cared about me, he wouldn't have asked Emily to be his girlfriend, he would've tried harder to get with me... I don't know. But Emily, oh god, I sometimes feel like punching her in the face. I hate to admit it, but maybe I'm just jealous of her.

I whine, "I swear I sometimes hate you so much", and walk away.

•••

I hear a knock on my door, a very insistent knock. I open it and see Harvey, with his arms crossed and a frown in his face. "You told me you wouldn't intervene.", he says.

"I just really had to tell her the truth about how I felt about you"

"No, you didn't. Or maybe you should've, before. You should've been honest with her from the start."

I cross my arms trying hard not to seem nervous, "Okay, maybe, but it also looks to me like you weren't completely honest with her either. You were still into me while you were going out with her, and you never told her that. Why haven't you told her yet? Because you still got some feelings for me and are too scared to admit it?"

"You're impossible... not everything is about you. I like her. I don't like you. I wanted to keep you as a friend, but-"

"Okay, okay, I won't intervene from now on. I promise."

He rolls his eyes, "I don't believe you anymore. I don't even think I want to be your friend anymore. I'm tired of you trying to get your way."

"But, Harvey-"

"Leave me alone. You can sabotage your life if you want, but you're not going to sabotage mine. Bye, Morgan", he says and walks away.