I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Twelve.

"You will never guess what happened yesterday!"

"What?"

"He called me pretty and kissed me after that. I know it's no biggie but... you know"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah...", she sighs and then a huge smile appears on her face. I hadn't seen her like this since she started dating Bryce. "He's the sweetest. I honestly freaked out after he said that to me. I can't even really understand how he became so important to me in such a short time, but I really feel so good... so... safe when he's with me"

This sounds more and more serious each day. I don't know what's best for me to do, but at least I'll make sure he keeps me in his mind.

•••

Morgan

You don't hate me do you

Harvey

huh

Morgan

Do you hate me?

Harvey

Why would I?

Morgan

Idk...

I feel like the kiss I gave you yesterday kinda made it seem like I had gone completely nuts

Harvey

No it didn't

Morgan

Oh ok

How did your date go?

Harvey

It was great

But I rather not talk about that right now

Morgan

What do you say you come over?

Just too like... hang out?

I really need to talk to someone rn

Harvey

Ok gimme 5

•••

"Yes, I mean, she's cute and stuff. It's like... you go out with her and most guys turn their head as she walks by... but-"

"Be honest with me, would you like to be her boyfriend?"

"Maybe yes... or maybe not... I feel like... I don't know... she's kind of missing that one thing..."

"What thing?"

"I'm really not sure of how to describe it. It's like... something you just gotta feel."

"So... did I have that thing?"

"Can we not talk about that?'

Okay, nice, he still cares. I haven't lost him, it may not be that late. But... I can't do this to my friend, she likes him. It'd be wrong. Not to mention the fact that he'd definitely think I'm crazy and that I'm only trying to play with him.

"You're right... you know, I didn't say that for any special reason... it just slipped out of my mouth."

"It's fine. I guess you can be a little... talkative", he chuckles.

"And you're actually... not that bad, I like you, I really needed a friend like you"

•••

"You told him that?", Mae asks me, raising her eyebrows. "You basically friend zoned him!"

"I noticed... but it was too late."

"Wait, I still don't think I understand. Why are you doing these things if you like him?"

"Because I don't know if I do like him, Mae! I feel like I do, but honestly I like Bryce so much. And then there's Emily... and I wouldn't want to get between them just to then be like 'okay, yeah, sorry I ruined things for you and Emily, but I just don't like you'"

She crosses her arms, "How much do you care about Emily's feelings?"

"Enough to say that I don't want to do what she did when her and Bryce started dating. I don't wanna be that kind of friend."

"Okay... how are things with Bryce?"

"We're going out on Friday."

"Go out with him. If you care about Emily's feelings, then just back off. I think it's probably for the best"

•••

She's right. At least I still have Bryce...

"I mean, I don't hate his class, but he's just so boring, it makes me want to take a nap in the middle of it. I never pass any of his tests, but that's fine, because I don't really care-"

I zone out for a couple of seconds when I see Harvey and Emily walking hand on hand into a store, they're both smiling at each other, I wish I knew why. All the feelings are hitting me at the same time, and it doesn't feel any good. I take a deep breath. Would it have changed anything if I had told Emily I liked him? Or would it have been the same story either way? It's always been like this, anything she wants, she gets, and I'm sick of that. I mean, I may not be all girly and delicate and stuff, but I'm a good person. Which brings me to the next point, I'm also a complete idiot. He liked... likes... or liked me at least, and I completely blew it. Why am I like this? But at the same time, I wouldn't have wanted to hurt him like it happened with Mason.

I feel so desperate, I decide to do something I wouldn't usually do and kiss Bryce. He pulls away almost immediately and says, "Morgan, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"That's exactly what I don't know. You just kissed me, and don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm in any way grossed out by you or anything... you're actually very pretty... but I just don't feel that way about you"

I shake my head and pretend I'm okay "don't worry, I understand. I shouldn't have done that anyway", I say. I know I said I care about Harvey and stuff, but it doesn't mean I don't still feel something for Bryce, and if something like that's ever happened to you, then you know it hurts like hell. Specially because I somewhat thought it'd work this time... not to mention that I'm very upset because I saw Emily and Harvey holding hands. I bet they're kissing now. Why do I care? Oh god, I hate feelings. I wish I didn't feel anything. I don't even want to like him. As a matter fact I don't want to like anyone anymore.