I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Thirty Two.

"Did Ashton seriously reject you with those words?", I ask Jordyn.

"Basically, yeah..."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you expect me to say? I'm not. I'm not and I'm aware I'm not but what am I supposed to do? Cry about it? It's just a boy after all... they're stupid. And they'll say stupid things but it'll get better eventually, right?"

"I guess so... I don't know". Her ability to handle these situations amazes me way more than I'd like to admit.

"Yeah, I mean, honestly, whatever happens, happens, but just give it some time and it'll get better."

•••

'Whatever happens, happens'. I'm still not sure I fully agree with that. I believe that most of the time it's us deciding where we want to go in life. Like, yeah, things happen but you can't let life decide what's next. Actually, maybe that's the reason why I this thing is being so hard on me. Maybe I'm blaming myself for things I'm not responsible for. Maybe it'd all be easier if I just went with the flow. Maybe not only say I'm going to stop caring about him and actually stop caring about him.

•••

It's been a week already. No calls, no texts, I haven't even seen him. I kinda miss him but I'm also glad I haven't been thinking about him as much. In fact, I'd say I'm doing pretty well at the moment. I won't say I haven't thought about him at all because I'd be lying, but... let's just say he hasn't been on my mind as much lately. You know, I'm actually kinda glad I haven't seen him, because I know if I did, I'd most likely get all sad and depressed because of how he's been ignoring me and my existence. It's come to the point where seeing him is kinda painful. I'm lowkey hoping I won't have to see him ever again, or at least not till my feelings are long gone-

Oh shoot.

As I get on the elevator, I see him walking towards me. He just keeps getting closer and closer each time. I freak out and press the close doors button over and over again, hoping it really closes before he gets on it. Then, just when I start thinking he won't be able to get there, he stops it by putting his foot between the doors. Ah, shit. I put my hand on my head and roll my eyes. There's a really awkward silence growing between us. More and more awkward each time. I don't even dare to look at him, but I can tell from the corner of my eye, that he keeps glancing at me.

The elevator stops at my floor, I get off without having said a word to him. I thought he'd at least try to talk to me, but no. He didn't say one word. Why did he do that, then? Why did he think it'd be a good idea to get on the same elevator as me, avoiding any type of communication and just make it extremely awkward for both of us? Really, what was that? Why would he- ugh.

I open the door and tell Mae "he's an idiot. He is an idiot and I don't wanna see him ever again"

"Why? What happened now?"

"You know how he doesn't live in this building and has absolutely no reason to be taking the elevator other than talking to me? Well, he got on the same elevator as me, and I could tell he kept looking at me, but he didn't even say a word to me. All he did was stare and make it super awkwardly. Who does that? What's wrong with him?"

"Yeah, I must admit he's weird. He's kinda like a girl. Actually, he's more complicated than any girl I've ever met. When I talked to him, I noticed one thing, and that is, that even he doesn't know what's going on or what he's doing or feeling right now. So I honestly don't know what it could be."

I sigh, "I think I'll just keep ignoring him and see where that takes me. I'm actually doing well. He didn't want to talk to me and that's what he's getting. It's only fair. I don't know what else he could possibly want. And it's also great that he decided to keep me away from him, because now I feel great about myself and feel happy. I'm glad I don't have to worry about him or about whether or not he likes me. Everything is better now. But oh, yeah, of course, now that I'm doing great, he finally wants me in his life. Well, guess what? That's not gonna happen."

Mae looks at me with surprise, then she crosses her arms, and shrugs, "yeah, I don't buy it"

Well, yeah, she's right. I don't think I believe myself either. I still like him, but hey, 'fake it till you make it'.

"Yeah, well... it's true"

"Okay... sure"

Then, we hear someone knock on the door. We both look at each other, then she looks out the peephole and looks at me, with real surprise, "well, guess what?"

I look at her half scared, half curious, "what?".

"It's him"