I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Seventeen.

These school dances have never been important to me. Maybe because no one has ever asked me to go with them. It's just me and my friends in the end, which I guess is okay most of the time... just not this particular time. I remember how much I used to hate seeing Bryce and Emily dancing and looking into each other's eyes, but for some reason this is some other level shit. I see Harvey dancing with her, and holding her hands. And I see Emily, looking at him as if there weren't anyone else around. He doesn't seem to be looking at her the same way. He looks to me like he's just pretending, like he's really got no interest in her. But what if I'm wrong?

"I thought he liked you", Greyson says.

"He used to."

"What happened?"

"I guess I messed up. Did he mention anything the other day while we were having lunch?"

"No. He didn't mention anything about what happened between the two of you.", Ashton answers.

"Oh. But he for sure said something about Emily, didn't he?"

"No, he didn't. He didn't say a word about her."

"See? It's obviously not too late. She might've taken Bryce away from you, but it may not be too late to make this happen.", Jordyn says.

"How?"

"Just go up to him and tell him the truth for once and for all"

"I can't do it right now"

"Then do it when she leaves to get a drink... or whenever she goes to the bathroom or something."

"No", I raise my voice in desperation "I'm not gonna do that to my friend"

"But remember what happened with Bryce. You liked him and she didn't care-"

"I don't care about what happened with Bryce. I. Am. Not. Gonna. Do. That. I'm not like this. I wouldn't want to ruin something like this for any of my friends"

"In my opinion, you're caring way too much about what would happen with her, what she'd feel. Think about it, if you were the one dating Harvey, but she really really liked him, would she care about you liking him?", she asks. "Most likely she'd start flirting with him anyways. Besides, he likes you, not her. So that same thing Emily did to you when you liked Bryce, you gotta do with Harvey."

"But it feels wrong, I feel like it'd be really  selfish."

"Well, then I guess you sometimes gotta be selfish", she shrugs and then points in his direction, "look. Now's the moment. She's gone. He's alone, I'll go to the bathroom and distract her."

"How do you know she's in the bathroom, Jordyn?", Greyson asks her looking kinda confused.

"I just know. Arya, are you coming?" she asks and Arya nods and they leave.

"I can't do this.", I tell both Greyson and Ashton.

"Yes, you can.", Greyson answers pushing me towards him.

"Stop it. I'm not doing this."

Ashton rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, "Why not? What do you gotta lose, Morgan? Come on, just go over there and tell him you like him."

I think about it for a couple seconds and then go near him. Here goes nothing... "You... are you... having fun?", I ask.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it's going quite well."

"Where's Emily?"

"She went to the bathroom."

"Oh, yeah?", I ask looking totally awkward.

"What about you? How are you liking it so far?"

"It's okay, I guess. I... am over there with my friends"

"So... you don't have a date?"

"Nope. No date. I don't have a date", I sigh nervously. We don't say anything for some seconds and it's starting to get uncomfortable. "Anyhow... I-uh... wanted to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"Well... it's just that... I... well...", I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, "you see how...", I clear my throat. Damn it, why do these words gotta be so hard to say? He stares at me kind of trying to read between the lines. "I think... I..."

"Hi, Morg. Did you end up getting a date?", Emily asks me, interrupting what I was finally about to say.

"No, I didn't. But why be surprised, right? Like... really... Morgan doesn't have a date? It's no surprise. It's just me being me, I guess."

"Oh, don't say that. You'll have someone someday."

That just made me feel a whole lot worse.  I am aware that he liked me, and that I basically rejected him, but why did I have to be so confused? Why couldn't I have opened my eyes earlier on? Feelings are way too hard to handle. I guess I might've just been confused with what I felt. And it's like... I could've had someone. I could be with him right now, but no, of course I had to be stupid enough to mess it up.

I sigh and fake a smile, "I guess I will. I think... I'll go back to talking to my friends... I'll see you later". I get close to my friends and see that Arya and Jordyn are back, "why didn't you stop her? I was about to tell him."

"I'm sorry, I just really can't stand her...", Jordyn tells me with a disgusted look on her face.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter. Let's do something that'll help me keep my mind off him, please."

"Let's dance like total idiots, that might help", Arya says.

•••

After a while of dancing, I start realizing how much fun I'm having with my friends. I've almost completely forgotten about what's happening with Harvey, it's like it all simply doesn't matter anymore. I look over at Harvey and he's talking to Mason. Why is he talking to him? No, no, I have to focus on having fun, on staying chill.

"Morg, I was just over there talking to you know who-", Greyson says as he comes near me.

"Your girlfriend?"

He blushes, "She's not my girlfriend"

"But she will be"

He blushes again and then tells me, "oh yeah, she will. But that's not what I was gonna say. I was just over there talking to her and I overheard Mason and Harvey talking. He asked Harvey if he was still into you, and he said he wasn't"

What?