I DON'T. [harvey mills]

Five.

When I got to school today, I noticed everyone muttering things as I walked by. I'm not sure why, I only know everyone kept giving me these weird looks. Now, as I'm entering the cafeteria, I notice the looks and the muttering once more. What is it that everyone is talking about?

I sit at the table which my friends are at, and Ashton tells me keeping his voice down. "Did he really walk into you kissing another guy?"

"What?" I ask him puzzled.

Arya gets closer and tells me "Mason and you... he's saying it's over..."

"Over? What is over?"

"You two. Your relationship" Jordyn says

"Us two? As in Mason and I?"

What the hell? Our relationship? Whose relationship are they talking about?

"I didn't even know you two were dating..." Ashton says giving me that fake surprise look.

I chuckle "hold up... he told you, didn't he?"

"Tell me what?"

"That we were dating"

He sighs "fine, yeah. He told me, but-"

"He's such a dick. But either way, why does everyone look at me, huh? Wait, Arya said that he had said we were over? What?"

"He said-" Greyson starts saying.

But then, Ashton interrupts "so he did catch you kissing another guy?"

"Me? Kissing another- what the? In the first place, Ashton, we were not dating, so there's not such thing as another guy" I told him raising my voice "and second, how the hell can we be over if there was never anything between us?". Great, some are looking at me now.

"So... hold up... it's all a lie?" Arya asks

"Yes. It is. And come on, it's not like y'all had no idea about this. Y'all knew there was nothing between us"

"Well... I mean... I know you and Mason had this kinda thing going on, so I was sorta expecting it, you know? And when rumors started going around, we just thought maybe you-" Jordyn says

"But I had told you that we were not-"

"Morgan, listen to me. He was also saying that he had to break up with you because you cheated on him. He says he supposedly saw you making out with another guy..."

For one second, Harvey comes to my mind. Is it possible that Mason saw me kissing him and just thought it was a good idea to... I don't know... start these rumors about me? But no, that's incredibly stupid. There is no way that could've happened.

"And did you all really believe that?" I ask them half concerned, half confused "I mean, if there was ever anything, it was months ago."

If you're wondering what happened with Mason and what this whole thing is about, long story short, I thought I liked him. Turns out I didn't, but I had already told him I did. I tried to back off and told him I wasn't ready to date, as an excuse. He said it was okay, but then, every time we would go out with friends, he'd either try to kiss me or make these really harsh comments towards me. I told him I didn't like it when he did that and he said he would stop, and he didn't... and so then, I kinda told him him that I wouldn't want to date someone like him... uh, my still-then friends thought I had been really mean and they stopped talking to me... and so... the rest you know... now we're here.

It's just still somewhat surprising how he used to be one of my best friends and now he's managed to make everyone believe he's the victim, making me look bad and taking many of my friends away... and now these guys who are still my friends, are believing everything he says, maybe because they're friends with him as well. All I know, is this can't be good. Yikes.

•••

Harvey just texted me saying "hey, how's it going?"

It low-key makes me happy to see his name popping up on my screen. With all that's happening, —I'd usually not accept this but—he's one of the few things that make me happy now. But at the same time, I'm too done with everything to even get all excited about this. I don't even know why I'd be excited in the first place. He's just... him. 

Morgan
It's okay...

I lied. But I don't want to tell him the truth because I'm just getting to know him and honestly don't know how he'd react... like... if I told him the truth.

Harvey
You sure?

Morgan

yeah I'm just a little tired

Harvey
Is that it?

Morgan
Yeah

Harvey

Oh ok

I'm not bothering you, am I?

Morgan
no no.
Not all

I know he likes me. I don't like him, and I'm not sure I'd want anything like a relationship with him. I just met him. But he might as well be my friend and goddamn it, it sometimes feels like I push people away. I wouldn't want this to be the case.

He doesn't text back, and I just lay on my bed and fall asleep, thinking that as much as I may want to know what being in a relationship is like --since I've never been in one before--, I wouldn't really want to get myself in more trouble. All that happened with Mason was with completely harmless intentions and yet, you see how it turned out, and it's all because I was confused about my feelings. But why am I even thinking about this right now? As I said before, I don't like him. What's wrong with me?