• His Heartstrings • A Thranduil Love Story.

32 - Anguish

(The song is to listen too while reading, you may have to replay it a few times though.)

= Warning: Feels! =

(I may or my not have cried while writing this chapter.)

Thranduil's pov:

My heart pounded as I ran up through the room and into the next one, I stopped instantly as I saw a dead orc laying on the ground to the right of the doorway. It had been shot through the head with an arrow aimed at its eye, and a bloodied weapon lay in its hands. I scanned the remainder of the room and to the far right of the room and the most horrific sight met my eyes.

My darling Ellysia, my precious wonder, was lying still on the ground, blood pouring from her side, pooling around her in a crimson sea. Her hand rested on her wooden bow, while her other arm laid out flat on the ground, she must have shot the orc in her last moments.

I ran to her, breathing rapidly I dropped to my knees to see if she were still alive, but it was not to be. Her half-closed glassy eyes stared into nothing and a trickle of blood seeped from her mouth. My body then began to shake from the inside out as my mind tried to process what my eyes were seeing.

I drew in a shaky breath and screamed out in complete agony as I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I put my hands on her shoulders and shook her, "Ellysia! Ellysia please wake up!" I yelled as tears flowed down my cheeks and my voice cracked, "please! No! No why! Please meleth, no!"

I pulled her into my arms and held her lifeless form against my chest as violent sobs and screams of anguish racked my body. The pain was so great, such agony was ripping through my body, worse than any torture weapon in middle earth. Waves upon waves of intense, unbearable pain were washing through my heart and I didn't know what else to do apart from scream to the heavens.

"Oh my wonder, my Ellysia!" I sobbed against her, "no!"

I tried to calm my breathing slightly as I almost threw up from the pain, "why! Would couldn't I have gotten here faster?!"

I continued to rock her, sobbing uncontrollably as all the memories of flashed before me and all the hopes I had for our future came to my mind, making me cry out with each one, the pain of knowing they would never come to pass.

I thought we were going to be together forever, I married her so that I could be hers and she be mine for eternity. I wanted to watch our son grow up with her by my side, I wanted her to be there when he married himself. I wanted her to be with me forever, forever, and she would never be.

She was gone.

That vile, disgusting, horrendous filth took her precious life. I would never be able to hear her sweet voice again, never again would I be able to look into her captivating sapphire eyes and tell her how much I loved her. Never again would I be able to hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet lips. I would never again be able to hear her charming laugh or see her beautiful smile again.

This was just too much pain. I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't even bear to imagine what life would be like without her. I couldn't go on. I couldn't do it.

Choking back my sobs I gently placed her on the floor again and unclipped my breastplate and screamed as I threw it across the room with as much force as I could. Sobs escaped my lips as I drew my sword from its sheath. I swiped at the tears blurring my vision and pointed the blade at my heart, wanting to end everything. If I couldn't have Ellysia, I would die and be with her in death.

I wanted the pain to end so badly, and the urge to thrust the sword into my chest was so strong. I didn't want to live in a world without her. I drew in a deep breath and was about to end my life when I heard a cry from behind me.

"Ada!"

I turned and saw my son standing a few feet away, looking so terrified and sorrowful, tears were rolling down his cheeks and he trembled. 

I dropped the sword to the floor and ceased my cries, quickly wiping the tears away. Holding out my arms to him I spoke in a shaky voice, "come here son."

Legolas ran to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, crying softly. I held him close and mentally screamed at myself for having forgotten about the most important thing in the world, the one who needed me - my son. In my grief, I was about to end my life and leave my son defenceless and alone. How could I do that? My shoulders started to shake slightly and tears slid down my cheeks as I held the child close to me.

"Ada," he spoke, "is Naneth going to be alright?"

Hearing him say those words drew a small sob from my lips, I breathed out slowly and pulled away from him. Moving a strand of hair away from his eyes I swallowed hard and managed, "she's not with us anymore Legolas. She's gone."

The child cried again and my mind suddenly went to what to do with Ellysia's body. I certainly couldn't take her with me and Legolas on the journey home. I looked around and spotted a cut out in the floor with a marble lid, I could keep her there until I could bury her properly.

Not wanting Legolas to see, I stated, "go and wait under that table son."

Whimpering and sniffling he ran over to the table and scooted underneath, hugging his knees to his chest while I heaved the marble slap away from the cutout.

Quiet tears running down my cheeks, I made my way over to where Ellysia laid. I picked her up gently, using all my will power not to break down again as her lifeless body hung limp in my arms; I carried her to the cutout laid her down in it. Seeing her lying there motionless caused another wave of heartache to wash over me and I turned away placing a hand over my mouth to silence my sobs. Breathing in deeply I forced myself quiet as I turned back to her. 

She still looked beautiful, almost peaceful, as if there was a smile on her lips. I then noticed the first ring I ever gave her was still on her finger; I knelt down and slid it off, wanting to keep it as something to remember her by.

Crying softly, I leaned over and placed a kiss on her cold lips, as my heart was starting to feel almost numb from the pain, "goodbye, my wonder," I whispered and pulled the marble slab over the top of her resting place, "cin will always n- in nin emel."

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Cin will always n- in nin emel - you will always be in my heart.

Wow, I hope I didn't break your hearts too much!
Ok, so I did cry writing this, I hope you enjoyed, and don't worry, there are more chapters to go yet!