ab initio, ad infinitum

broken.

HEY MY LOVELIES. i hope your day is going well. this piece (likely nonsensical i just wrote it and posted it without rlly checking it) is very heavily inspired by Son by Sleeping at Last. i highly, highly, highly recommend checking it out. do good, be well. <3

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B R O K E N .

Broken.

Some days that's all that is known. Shattered pieces that lay shattered and scattered across cool tile, biting red criss-crosses into the bottoms of feet.

Broken.

Unable to breathe, or get up off of your knees. Unable to gasp air back into your lungs the way that was done before, to rise to your feet the way that you taught yourself as a stumbling toddler.

Emptiness and hollowness like nothing you've known, exhaustion and weariness that builds up on your bones, making them heavier and heavier. Some days, the pumping of your battered heart is too loud. Or too slow to properly describe the racing thoughts and feelings and ache you feel in every cell.

Broken.

Feeling like kneeling and doubling over, pressing your eyes tight enough that they may never open again. Feeling the lines of your bones bend into different positions, your muscles achy from being coiled into the smallest they can be for so long.

Broken.

But broken can be fixed.

You can keep trying to breathe, again and again and again. Until you remember, and your lungs pick up where they left off. You can take that air in, and no matter how smokey it may be, how much your lungs burn with the sweetness of oxygen, it's there.

You can learn how to shakily bring yourself to your feet again. Your legs may wobble and waver, but you can. It may take time, but you learned it once, and you can learn it again.

You can learn how to be full again, how the ache you feel does subside every now and then. You can learn how the fragility and vulnerability that you have, curled in on yourself, can be a superpower. You can learn that your weakness are only your strengths in disguise.

You can learn that brokenness happens and it stings. But you can only break if you've been whole. And there's nothing in this world that cannot be fixed, especially when it's something like yourself.

Sometimes your pieces mend in a different way than before, oftentimes they do, and that's usually when we fail to recognize the healing. But we heal in different ways. Sometimes things heal funny, or aches remain on bitterly cold days. Sometimes it's the same, other times its not. No matter what, you can.

You can grow and learn and hurt and feel and live through brokenness, through mending, through struggling, through the ins and outs of life, as painful as it might be.

Because the key is trying. You try and try and try and push on this bitter fight, because you can. You will win, but you have to try. Until muscle memory kicks in, and you draws air into your lungs without prompting, when you push yourself to your feet to sprint into what you can be, until you can listen to your heartbeat contentedly, until you remember that vulnerability is powerful in its own right.

And even if that day is not today, it will come, Surely. Steadily. You will become what you need to be, and you are whole even in brokenness. You will feel tumultuous emotion and curse life, but you will also feel tumultuous emotions and bless life. That's how it works. But you need to remember that there is so much, and you just need to try. Keep going. You'll get there.

And remember, even in brokenness, the silver lining always exists.

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