HAPPY ONE MONTH OF 2020. i guess i'm feeling kinda wistful for the celebration of a month ago, so i wrote a lil something about it because your girl needs to not fall our of practice with writing. so yeah, no idea what this one even means, but um lemme know if you have a guess?? do good, be well. <3
N E W Y E A R S .
The wonder of New Years can only be unlocked with the true acknowledgement of what it is. Beyond the cynicism, beyond the rosy-glass filters. Because it is true, New Years is not really that fresh a beginning for individuals - the year does not have to change in order for you to change. New Years is truly just the flip of a Gregorian calendar, not much else.
But it is. There is something more to New Years beyond that bitter, all fact outlook. Because New Years is also about beginnings, and how you spend them. They are different for everyone, celebrated in different ways at different times. But that's the wonder of them.
For me, New Years are sparkly striped jumpsuits and the people who I call family regardless of whether we share blood, coming over. It's taking a painful number of pictures and blowing up balloons and an exchange of hugs. It's the cool feel of the hardwood beneath my bare feet as we creep into the basement, plug our phone into the speakers, blasting music until the point I'm half worried the neighbours will come pounding at our door.
It's at first hesitant dancing, a side-step and sway as our self-consciousness burns bright. But as the songs play on, seconds pass, it melts away, and we become full of the confidence and giddiness of not caring about others, only the delicious stretch and coil of muscles as our bodies dance to the music.
It's megawatt smiles and breathless laughter as we dance, on and on and on, for hours and hours and hours. In those moments, nothing but delirious joy pulses in our veins, and we feel no pain or worry. We just are, basking in the other's existence and sharing our happiness in the thrum of the music that we can feel in the soles of our feet.
Exhaustion does not exist, because that's the New Years. It's knowing that bad things exist and we have lived through them and they fucking suck, yet stating that for the next 2 hours, I'm going to begin with a smile and a hope in my chest. With happiness and smiles and the people who I love around me, all having delirious fun.
It's a hoarse throat as we gather around, counting the seconds, screaming our lungs into the abyss of life, daring for it to come, ready to take anything head on. Together. It's the beaming smiles and kisses and embraces that we are smothered in as congratulations are passed around. Because here comes the new year.
It's playing Never Gonna Give You Up as the first song of the year and busting out the cheesiest and dorkiest of choreography, giggling and twirling each other around. It's cutting a cake and tasting sugar and adrenaline and joy, beaming with an emotion you cannot explain. Beginning.
And eventually it's an empty dance floor after everyone has migrated to where they can sit and chat, and softly and mindlessly spinning around until I find myself on my back sparkly striped jumpsuit askew, staring up at the ceiling. The disco ball reflecting over it, multi-coloured beams that dance, and a faint light from my right, and people who I love around me, and warmth and beginning draped around me. Exhaustion finally creeping in, body reminded that it danced for hours on end, but delighted at the way that the muscles feel used.
Because New Years, isn't just new me, or beginnings, or parties. It's the celebration of fuck, we made another year.
(Which, by the way: pretty fucking epic.)
...
YOU ARE READING
ab initio, ad infinitum
Random"from the beginning, to infinity." or me slapping down words on paper when i feel something and pretending i had an objective, all while using too many curse words. //ran. will sporadically update. very excessive use of expletives. © garggie.
