PART TWO IN THE FEELINGS SERIES. it's kinda (read: veRY) short, kinda confessional, kinda sad, but i think we already are used to that, right? (if not we probably will be soon XD) do good, be kind. <3
N U M B N E S S .
Numbness is perhaps one of the worst emotions to feel as humans. I say this, because mankind is a species which feels and emotes and communicates, and numbness is the result of the lack of all mentioned items.
Numbness is one of the worst emotions to feel, simply because you don't feel. You cannot describe what the absence of feeling is like, only that it makes you feel hallow in a way that isn't possible otherwise, that it transports you to a different body, that it fosters intense emotions that you just can't acknowledge the way you want to.
Numbness is being aware of life moving past you, of taking part in daily life, but not getting anything form it. Numbness is being passenger in your brain, waiting for something, yearning for something, but it never happening.
Numbness is a hole in your soul which nothing can fill up, it is the wanting to do something but the paralysis of your body. Numbness is having things to do and places to see, but not being able to move and not caring.
The worst thing of numbness is that you cannot care – for the life of you – there is no point to be seen. Numbness is grabbing for anything and everything and coming up empty-handed. Numbness is isolation and hurt and pain, and not being to recognize these emotions until after it has passed.
Numbness is a fragile thing to, something you cannot actively work against, because what if you get too used to it and it suddenly breaks? What if you start feeling everything again and you're not careful? What if the emotions hurt?
Numbness is repetitive and numbness is boring. Numbness is torture and numbness is a gift.
And numbness is beyond scary, because we are human, we feel, so becomes of us when we don't? When life passes us by and there is no feeling to life, what happens? I am so afraid of numbness because it is consuming and it takes away everything from you.
But when you're numb, even fear cannot take hold of you, as you drift away, completely aware yet unable to move.
YOU ARE READING
ab initio, ad infinitum
Random"from the beginning, to infinity." or me slapping down words on paper when i feel something and pretending i had an objective, all while using too many curse words. //ran. will sporadically update. very excessive use of expletives. © garggie.
