ab initio, ad infinitum

the shattered.

PART EIGHT OF THE PEOPLE SERIES. found this in my drafts, and beware, it's rough and depressing as shit. do good, be well. <3

T H E   S H A T T E R E D .

There was a girl, with a voice that was louder than a hurricane and opinions stronger than any material known to mind. She was ferocious in everything she did, in her fighting, in her loving, in her living. She was proud and she never shrunk herself down. Strong and brave and unbreakable, that's who she was.

There was a girl, just like this, and she lived a tragedy.

She used to be loud, a lion roaring. Loud thoughts, loud words, loud opinions, because there is so much to say from a mind that never stops. But she had been told her entire life to be quiet, to keep her head down. Her voice didn't matter and it wouldn't change anything, that's what they never failed to tell her.

Still, she persisted.

But then she was shown- it didn't matter.

She moved mountains with her bare hands, bleeding and bruised and persisting nonetheless – and it changed nothing.

No one cared.

It's an exhausting process, pushing against the weight of the entire world, stifling you, silencing you. And so her limbs grew weary and her eyelids grew heavy and she gave in. Closed her mouth, bowed her knees, and she gave in.

She's never been proud of it.

But there's a point that it feels pointless; what you think doesn't matter, what you do doesn't matter, who you are doesn't matter. She never needed to change the world, but she'd rather not expend all of her energy trying everything only to come up with nothing.

Sometimes she wonders why things never work- a very deep rabbit hole, easy to slip down into and damn near impossible to get out of-

"What's wrong with me?" and "Is what I am not good enough?" and "What is it about me that makes me so easy to cast aside and dismiss?" The questions are poison, dripping into every crack and crevice, corrupting all that's left of her after being broken down so many times.

The tragedy is that when a spirit is broken, beaten so many times, it doesn't dare to rise again.

She stopped taking credit for her successes, fearful that as soon as people figure out who did it, it wouldn't be a success. Because she has found that she could work for hours and hours, and people still look right over her.

"Fight for recognition!" some shout, but she is tired. So tired.

For her whole life, she has been told that she is wrong, even when she's right. Sometimes, even more when she is right. So excuse her if trying feels pointless, because she can do it all right and still be wrong.

She can scream and still get ignored. She can give her everything and still will amount to nothing. So she bites her tongue and sits back down and becomes nothing more than a lifeless doll because anything more hurts too much, because it reminds her not of who she was, but of who will never matter.

She once was whole. Strong and brave and unbreakable. But now, she is the shattered, and she is sure there is no way to put together the pieces in a way she feels whole again.

So why bother? Some tragedies are irreversible.

...