Xiao Zhan is a hard working psychologist with everything he has ever wanted in life, or so he thinks. He has always helped people with their problems, but has failed to face his own. However, when Zhan runs into his old college boyfriend two weeks b...
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Zhan knew his sister was right. The longer he avoided it, the more he would regret it later. What if this is my chance to make things right? He refused to make the same mistake twice. Even if he didn't feel the same way, he wanted to admit the truth.
He owed him that much after the way things ended between them last time.
In between his appointments, he found Yibo's advertising company online. He called his extension twice but was only able to reach his secretary. Zhan finally resolved to meet him at his office.
After he closed his office doors for the Christmas holiday, he made the trip to Yibo's building. His heart thudded in his ears, once cleared by his secretary to wait in his office. Zhan's palms sweated as he clasped his hands together. He didn't know where to start. How was he supposed to tell him? Should he share his dream with him?
"Zhan, what are you doing here? You didn't have to come to my job. We could've met for lunch or something," Yibo said.
Zhan stood and turned, greeted by his warm smile. He embraced and kissed his ear as usual. Once again, his cologne mesmerized his senses. He cleared his throat.
"I was on my way to my parents' house, but I thought I would stop by before leaving." He attempted to remain calm, but all he wanted was to kiss him.
He held back, despite his jumbled nerves. I don't know if I can do this.
He responded,
"Your parents must be really excited about you coming home."
"They are," Zhan responded.
He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat of his skin.
"Yibo, I need to tell you something."
"Is something wrong?" Yibo wondered.
"Do you need something?"
"I... I mean... I need some advice."
Don't chicken out now.
Yibo sat in the chair next to him.
"What's up?"
"Do you think that if... a person who left his lover seven years ago... can still be in love with him? He's getting married to another woman, but is it possible for him... to still be in love with him too?"
Zhan asked nervously.
He laced his fingers back and forth. He felt like a prisoner awaiting a sentence from a judge.
Yibo's shoulders drooped. His smile vanished from his eyes. He shook his head as if in disbelief and leaned back in his seat.
"Don't do this, Zhan," he stated.
His words clearly didn't move him.
Zhan continued despite the emotions building inside him.
"I know my timing is off-way off. It's been seven years and we haven't talked in all that time. I know I shouldn't put this on you before your wedding, but I had to-"
"You're right. It is bad timing. I'm getting married Zhan," he protested.
He jumped to his feet, noticeably irritated by their conversation.
Why is he so upset?
"I know, Yibo. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you, but I couldn't hold on to this any longer. The thought has been in my mind for a while. Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I had said-"
"Just stop, Zhan! Stop it!" he proclaimed.
He sighed.
"I'm sorry, Yibo. I just needed to tell you that... I'm still in love with you."
Yibo's eyes narrowed at him.
"You've got some nerve you know that? How can you just come in here and pull a stunt like this?"
He agreed.
"You're right; it's been too long. I should have told you sooner. When you proposed to me, I was scared. I didn't want to lose myself trying to be who you wanted me to be. I broke your heart and mine too. I'm sorry. I just couldn't leave knowing my feelings and not tell you."
He still looked upset.
"So what do you want me to do?"
Zhan's heart dropped. Still, he kept his voice from wavering. He didn't want to cry in front of Yibo.
"You don't have to do anything. I'm not asking you to leave her and be with me. I want to but I can't. I just wanted you to know I still love you. Whether you're with me or not... I want you to be happy."
Yibo's shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know what to tell you, Zhan."
He stood to his feet. Zhan then pulled out his letter he'd read and placed it on his desk. He turned to leave but had one more question.
"Do you love her?"
"Yes, Zhan. I love her," Yibo replied.
Zhan nodded and his bottom lip quivered.
"Have a great wedding day, Yibo. Merry Christmas."
He hurried out the door holding back his tears. They were on the brim, but he refused to cry. He proceeded with his travel plans and had a cab drop him off at the airport.
Once he boarded the plane, Zhan felt tears escaping. He hid them as best he could, not wanting anyone asking him questions. He decided to visit the restroom and freshin' up his face. Once he returned to his seat, he rested his head against the headrest. He slept for the rest of the flight.
