Mental Beatdown

People Getting Angry Over Sexual/Gender-Specific Terms

DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME PEOPLE. I AM TOTALLY, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SUPPORTIVE OF WHATEVER GENDER OR SEXUALITY YOU CHOOSE TO IDENTIFY WITH. I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THAT CLEAR. 

Now that I've got all that cleared up, I thought I'd discuss my thoughts on something that is becoming alarmingly common: people getting angry over really, really specific terms for sexuality and gender, and how they are used.

I would like to point out that I completely understand where this frustration would come from. If people called me a male instead of a female, I would be peeved too, or if someone called me transgendered instead of lesbian I would feel the same way. But this does not equal a phobia of your gender or sexuality. 

There have been many instances in my life where, due to me being part of the LGBT community, I have met people with genders and sexualities I am not familiar with. For instance, I once met a girl who insisted on the pronoun "they" when being referred to (I still don't know the proper term for that and I do apologize). I was not, and still am not, familiar with that gender identification, and I was honestly confused on how to slip their name into conversation. "They" normally refers to a group, so if I said "They went over there," I could be referring to them or a group of people. It was just confusing to me, and I didn't feel like googling this gender identification-- I figured that they would understand that it's not something I'm used to, and accept my apology. I assured them that I was fine with it, but that I just may slip up once or twice on accident if I wasn't paying attention due to the gender identification being so new to me.

I thought that they would be fine with this, but instead they went the route that I'm seeing far too often (especially on Tumblr and other social media sites like it): they accused me of having a phobia of their gender. Being uninformed or new to something does not mean that you harbor hatred or fear of it. If someone slips up on gender/sexual identification, especially if it is a more uncommon one, it does not immediately signal a phobic attitude. 

This may sound very blunt, but I honestly don't have the time to research and know everything and every single term used to refer to sexual and gender identification issues. There is pretty much ten new things added every day. I JUST found out about "cisgendered" (super super disgusting that people use that term but that's a rant for another day), and there's countless other things. Trisexual, Demisexual, Skoliosexual, I could name off twenty more. There's also "Same Gender Loving" which is apparently exclusive to the black community due to "gay" or "lesbian" being seen as a white creation. 

I will be totally on top of what I know 99% of the time, I promise. It is not me being offensive or against your sexuality or gender orientation. I just don't know everything. Really, I think it boils down to political correctness. I think many people have to realize that when I, and other people like me, say "LGBT," it's a blanket term for everyone who doesn't associate with the "normal" or "socially acceptable" sexuality or gender. On occasion I will say LGBT+, but that is honestly the most I'll do. It is not because I don't support the rest of the community that falls into that label. It's just because I don't have the time to remember this: LGBPTTQQIIAA++. Yes, that is the "politically correct" term for everyone in the community. It looks like I just had a fucking seizure on my keyboard. I'm not trying to be offensive, but who the fuck can remember all of that. 

Personally, and this is just me and may seem offensive (remember: I support whatever you feel gender or sexuality wise), but I find it super fucking ironic that a community that is so violently against labeling is so fucking insistent on getting so many labels. If you miss one little thing, you'll have twenty people from the community jumping on your back. 

How about this: I will try my best, as I'm sure everyone else who is like-minded and pro human rights will, to be able to properly refer to you when you tell me about your sexual and/or gender identification. I swear, I will try so hard. But please, don't get upset if I mess up, misuse a term, or forget. I know it may be irritating to you, but I am so fiercly pro LGBT+ rights that is insane. Just be happy with yourself, know what you want, and try to tell people about it if you want to and/or are comfortable. If they attack you, verbally or physically, they're a fucking asshole and yes, you should be angry. But if they smile and nod and then accidentally misuse a term three or four times, they are not trying to get at you. 

Just be happy with yourself, and appreciate when people are trying.