SEVENTEEN IMAGINES (CLOSED)

Seungkwan

Warning: Contains sensitive topic about depression and mental distress.
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You grip the strap of your backpack tightly as you stood on the sidewalk of a crossroad. You were against the idea of going home. Nothing good would result from entering that house. Not after everything.

While staring off into oblivion, your head raises to watch the stop light blink from one color to the other. Red, orange, and green. Three distinct colors that identified the rules for everybody's safety.

Why is it so easy to follow such rules?

You sigh not even having a clue what your thoughts are trying to imply. You watch as the red light blinked into green.

You turn your head to the other side and watch as a truck steps up the gas seemingly in a rush. For a split second your thoughts hushed and you step forward.

"No you don't." Your ear was pulled back and you returned to your senses.

"Ow! Let me go! Let me go!" You whine only to see your older brother with a grumpy face. Kim Mingyu.

He releases your ear to which you quickly held gently in your hand. Mingyu crosses his arms. "You know I'm constantly getting tired of seeing you find stupid ways to die. You tried jumping off a building, getting run over, jumping off a bridge, hanging on a rope, jumping out of our car, slitting, you even tried picking on a gang so they'd kill you." Mingyu scolded tapping his foot anxiously. He didn't know how to help you like this. And you refused to seek professional help cause you knew that you were both struggling financially.

You scoffed. "I never asked you to keep saving me."

"Mingyu!" A boy calls out. You turn your heads to who just arrived. "You ran off so fast I couldn't catch up." He announced panting, with the most horrible expression ever.

"Sorry Seungkwan. I just missed my little sister." He widens his eyes towards you. You do the same in an irritating manner. "[Y/N], this is Seungkwan. Bro, my little sister." Mingyu introduced.

"Hi." Seungkwan waves his hand still not looking up.

"Yeah, hey." You awkwardly greeted. When he raised his head, his expression finally changed into something more decent.

You knew him from before. He's the guy who accompanies you when you're all alone in the garden. You grab your tumbler from the side of your bag and handed it to him. He looks at you and smiles lightly taking it from your hands. He recognizes you as well.

The color changes and Mingyu held you by the arm and drags you across the road in an orderly manner. You tried your best to keep up with his long legs.

You stopped in front of your house. You were too scared to enter.

"[Y/N]. Please, you don't have to be afraid anymore. We're gonna move out soon, so just hang in there." Mingyu says. You nod, understanding that this is hard for him too.

You walk ahead and opened the door to the house. It was quiet, and it no longer reeked of alcohol and smoke. There was no man who threw an empty bottle to the doorway. No yelling. It was peaceful.

"You okay there?" Seungkwan asks holding your shoulders from behind.

"I'm okay." You say and ran to your room just at the right corner of the house. You fell to the floor as your back slid down the floor.

'It's all your fault. You killed your own parents. You're a murderer. You don't deserve to live.'

Such provocative thoughts invaded your head. You clasped your ears tightly in attempt to block the voices. It was a loud ringing in your ears. The police sirens, his yelling, they kept coming back. You were shaking.

You didn't kill them. You didn't mean to stab your father. It wasn't your fault. He charged at you as you were slicing vegetables. And- You shut your eyes recalling the scene. No.

Your mother. You didn't intentionally kill your mother when she gave birth to you. It wasn't what you wanted.

"Oppa." Your small voice call out shakily. Your hands rummage through your bag and found the newly pack of blades you have purchased. "Just a small one." You trailed off trying to avenge the death of your parents.

One, your mom died. Two, you killed your father. Three, you're burdening your own brother. Four, you must die. You drop the blade staring at your bloody wrist. It's all your fault. You'll never live normally, therefore you must die.

"[Y/N]." Seungkwan knocks. His voice caused you to stiffen. You're going to harm him one day.

"Seungkwan, I'm sorry." Your voice still soft. Your sobs becoming louder.

Seungkwan felt the dark aura and grabs the doorknob. "I'm coming in." He sees you immediately right before the door, staring off to no where.

You scans you until his eyes darted on your bloody arm. He shakes in his place. He didn't want to trigger you so he kept calm. He knelt down before you.

"No. I might hurt you. Go away." You flinched backing away from him.

"[Y/N]. It's okay. You won't hurt me. Nothing bad is gonna happen. I trust you. I believe in you." He says reassuring the girl.

"I said go away! Seungkwan!" You squirmed when he suddenly hugged you. You felt secured in his embrace but afraid that you might hurt him.

The warmth was too good to last forever. You didn't wanna lose it, But you probably will in the near future.

You let him hold on to you feeling comfortable in the small gesture. He takes your hand, you weakened and lean on him. Seungkwan pulls his handkerchief and a bottle of disinfectant in his coat.

This has happened in school before. He knew how often you do this, so he always has something on himself in case it happens again.

He cleans your wound as you hiss on his neck. You were shaking under him, tears pooling in the corner of your eyes. In the end, he wraps his handkerchief on your wrist.

"Drink this." He takes the medication and the bottle of water. This was his main purpose before entering his room. Mingyu has asked him to let you drink the pills.

He pops the pill in your mouth and bring the water to your mouth to let you wash it down. After doing so, your breathing slowly evens.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this." You say burying your face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry."

Seungkwan felt a pang of pain in his chest hearing you apologize. He picks your weak body up and heads to your bed.

As he was about to pull his arm away from your neck you tug on his collar. "Don't leave me."

Seungkwan thought twice. He looked to the door to see Mingyu with his arms crossed. He nods at his friend to give him permission. Seungkwan sit on the bed, his back resting on the headboard as you snuggled on his chest.

Your small frail figure made Seungkwan promise to himself that he'd stay by your side. As your friend, he'd do anything to help you overcome your PTSD.

End of imagine

Authors' Note: If y'all are struggling mentally. You don't have to force yourself to open up to everyone. One person is enough. Or even expressing yourself in any other form such as poetry, dancing, painting, music. You will always have yourself.

Words are nothing when the reality we face is harsher. I believe in this. But having someone you trust can ease a small portion of anxiety in you. :)