Marrying a Boxer | H.S.

Chapter 66

It has been a month since the opening of the centre and it already has many patients who are getting the help they need. I make sure I go see how things are running at least once a week and I love seeing many people taking advantage of that opportunity. Newspapers and magazines have written great things about it and I feel immensely proud of myself for being able to help people.

No matter how much I love seeing all this, I can't help but stress about the wedding. It is in about three weeks and the closer we get to it, the more I worry about the honeymoon. Harry and I's sex life is pretty much non-existent and I hate that. I miss being able to connect with him on that level. I miss his touch, his passionate kisses, his dirty whispers in my ear... I miss the feeling. I miss all of it. We've tried again and again, but I don't get that fire in my veins that I used to. I don't get the feeling of wanting to just rip his clothes off and devour him. I hate not getting that feeling, it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

Harry reassures me every time that there is nothing wrong with me and that it's okay. He even helped me look for a therapist who could talk with me about sex after a miscarriage. Harry's been my rock through this whole thing and I know I wasn't there for him at first, but now I try my hardest to be there all the time. I can't let my pain engulf me completely, to the point where I stop caring about those around me, again. And I know I can't let my sexual worries drive me away from my husband. I know that when the time is right, my body will go back to the way it was. For now, I must accept that I'm simply not ready and that it is okay.

"Hey, Sweetheart." Harry says, walking inside our bedroom and closing the door behind him. He's been training all day, I didn't get to see him at all today. He approaches our bed and leans down to kiss my lips.

"How was your day, Curly?" I ask, sitting up. He lets his gym bag fall to the floor and takes off his hoodie.

"Exhausting," he sighs, running his fingers through his damp hair. "Jake had me pushing my limits today, which is good but that son of a bitch barely let me catch my breath." I lift the covers and he gets in bed. I lay back down and rest my head on his chest. "Did I wake you?"

I take a deep breath and shake my head. "No. I couldn't sleep. My mind has been quite occupied."

His arms wrap around me, instantly making me feel at ease and relieving the tenseness on my body. "Tell me what's on your mind, Sweetheart."

"The same thing that's been on my mind for a while now. The 'what if we can't make love the way we used to' and all the what-ifs that surround that topic," I sigh. "I know we've been through this many times... I just can't help but think about it."

"Yes, we've been through this, but you can still talk to me about it. I'm not an expert on how the body works, obviously, but I can assure you that this won't last forever, my love. Your body is working on getting back to how it used to be. You've been through so much and I suppose emotions can play a big part as well. You're still grieving. And you've been stressed. There is so much going on at the moment. Maybe the process is slow. But you've heard the therapist and the doctor, be patient and give your body time. It will come back when you least expect it, I know it." His fingertips lightly trace figures along my back and I get goosebumps. "See? Your skin still responds to my touch," he smirks, making me smile.

"I love you so much, Harry."

"I love you more than life, Sweetheart." He kisses the top of my head and I turn the lamp off, falling asleep minutes later.

***

While Harry and I have lunch, I notice he's being very quiet. Usually he's always very chatty and telling terrible jokes, but not today. Before my mind starts making up scenarios, I decide to ask him if everything is okay.

"Yeah... it's just that eh... today is one of those days," he shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich. I can see on his face that he wants to tell me something but doesn't know how to. "Today is Leila's birthday... you know, the one who passed away," I nod and place my hand on top of his. "And I usually bring flowers to her grave every year on her birthday, but last year I didn't because our marriage wasn't in a good place and I forgot. I don't want to miss this year too."

My eyes tear up and my heart aches. I know she was a very important person in his life and I don't want him to feel like he can't do this one thing because of me. "Babe...do you mind if I come along? We can stop by for flowers."

His face breaks into a smile and he leans over to kiss me. "You really want to come with me?" I nod. "We can go as soon as we're done eating, Sweetheart."

His demeanor changed drastically after this small exchange of words. He went back to his usual talkative self and we continued eating our lunch making small talk.

Once we make our way to the cemetery, we stop at a flower shop to buy a pair of beautiful orchid arrangements. Harry told me these were her favorite flowers and that she had tons of orchids in her backyard.

The day got a bit chilly and it started to rain lightly, Harry holds a large umbrella over our heads and guides me to Leila's headstone. It is made from white marble and has a black plaque on the centre that reads:

Leila Adams

Beloved Daughter

August 25, 1994 – May 4, 2010

There are a couple of flower bouquets laying by her headstone. Harry takes one of the arrangements from me and hands me the umbrella. He crouches down and places the arrangement by the white marble. His head is bowed and his eyes are closed. I have a heavy feeling in my chest and I feel my eyes start watering. I cannot even imagine being 16 years old and losing your first love in a horrible accident. My heart hurts for Harry.

After about three minutes, he stands back up and offers me a sad smile. I hand him the umbrella and kneel in front of Leila's headstone. I take a couple of minutes to fix the bouquets and arrangements, organizing them in a form that makes her stone stand out. I feel Harry's eyes observing my every move.

I clear my throat. "Hey, Leila. I'm Scarlet. We never met, but I'm sure you were an amazing person. I just wanted to introduce myself and say thank you for making Harry happy during those years you two were together. I also wanted to let you know that Harry and I are getting married... again... but this time it was our decision. I know you loved him very much and I promise you I will love him greatly with every cell in my body." I try to blink back tears but they end up rolling down my cheeks. "I know that you're very proud of him, he's become an amazing man. We recently lost our baby and I shut him out for a long time, I didn't think of anything else but my own pain. He was there for me, but unfortunately, I wasn't there for him. But I want you to know that I will be there for him and I will take care of him. I promise to make him the happiest man alive. And I promise that we will come every year to bring you flowers. I won't let him forget again."

I make the sign of the cross and say a short, quiet prayer before standing back up and joining Harry under the umbrella. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger, making me look at him. His eyes shine with brimming tears and he smiles. "You are an amazing woman, you know that?" his lips meet mine in an innocent kiss. "I love you so much, Scarlet. Thank you for doing this."

"I love you more, Curly." I hug him and we take one more look at Leila's headstone, before we make our way back to the car and drive home.