The Batman: Heir to the Demon (Batman Fanfiction)

Chapter XIII: Boy

Bruce sneaks into the kitchen and drinks some beer.

The Batman, in his head: "Bruce... Are you sure you want to drink more of that crap?"

Bruce: "Why should I listen to you? You're not Alfred."

Bruce finishes the 12 beer packs.

The next day...

Bruce: "Damn it, Alfred! Why didn't you return home and stop me?!"

Diana: "Bruce, I think you need to lay off the booze."

Bruce is laying down on the bed as Diana tends to him while Oliver and Nick watch him in bed. Bruce seems to be sick.

Nick: "Ha ha... Is... Is Bruce sick from drinking beer?"

Bruce: "I'm just a little hungover. That's all."

Nick removes his blanket as his beer belly bounces out.

Oliver: "Jesus Christ, dude. What the hell happened to you? No... That isn't the right question. What did you do?"

Bruce: "I may have a little too much to drink last night."

Diana: "Bruce, you drinked 72 cans of beer all at once. Is this about Rachel again?"

Bruce: "Well it's certainly not about you and you're the only other woman in my life that hasn't betrayed me..."

Oliver: "Didn't Rachel reject you and isn't that the reason why you subconsciously let her die?"

Bruce, in a mocking, high-pitched voice: "Meh meh meh... Meh meh meh meh..."

Bruce, normally in his normal Kevin Conroy voice: "That's what you sound like. That's how you talk."

Oliver: "Why would I be offended by an asthmatic Black-Panther lookalike in a Halloween costume?"

Bruce: "Same reason why a black edgy loser Robin Hood would be offended by said badass you just described."

Nick: "I'm just here because I want to know if my Hamon User's ready for another hunt."

Diana: "That's not very nice!"

Nick: "Shut up, you airheaded Amazon."

Bruce: "Piss off... She didn't do anything to you."

Everyone starts to argue.

"Daddy!"

Everyone immediately stops.

Bruce grabs Dick: "Hey, champ. How are you?"

Pfft.

Dick: "I saw a bird outside! It was black all over and had a red belly!"

Oliver: "That's a blue jay!"

Nick: "Are you mentally retarded? That sounded nothing like a blue jay!"

Diana: "Boys?!"

The two immediately stop.

Dick: "I also saw this tall dude with a red helmet."

Bruce stands up.

Bruce: "It's the Red Hood."

Red Hood: "I came here to talk."

Bruce: "Yeah, I know..."

Diana: "Oh... It's the guy that attacked you on that night."