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LANA WHAT IN THE HELL...?
* attached: article link "Baby Mama Drama: Your Update On Robert Downey Jr and Lana Mackenzie's Relationship" *
ROBERT Oh shit Shit shit shit
LANA Is this true??
ROBERT Omg how tf do they find out these things?!
LANA I'm more concerned by the fact thAT YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOUR EX-WIFE HATED MY GUTS
ROBERT Honey I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry about this Look can we talk about it when I get home?
LANA Oh no we are talking about it RIGHT NOW Why does Susan hate me? AND WHY AM I FINDING OUT ABOUT IT ON E!NEWS ??
ROBERT Look she doesn't hate you, e news is blowing it waaay out of proportions as always I didn't tell you because I knew you would freak out Clearly I was right
LANA This REALLY isn't the time to be sassy Robert Of course I am freaking out, how do you think this makes me feel? I though you and Susan were on good terms And I've never even met her so why is she pegging me as the evil stepmother??
ROBERT Lana CALM DOWN it's not like that Just breathe and I'll explain everything okay?
LANA I'm breathing Now start explaining
ROBERT To tell you the truth she doesn't like you because she thinks I cheated on her with you
LANA EXCUSE ME??
ROBERT It was after you gave the interview with Dylan Graham She realised we met in San Fransisco And you know I was still married to her back then So now she's convinced I cheated on her while we were married And me being with you now just adds insult to injury, you know? Or at least in her mind it does
LANA That's bloody insane We NEVER did anything wrong in San Fransisco
ROBERT Obviously And I told her that But she doesn't believe me
LANA Jesus Christ She thinks I was your bloody MISTRESS? I don't know if I should laugh or scream right now
ROBERT See, I told you it wasn't as bad as you thought
LANA Oh it's pretty fucking bad The woman is convinced her ex-husband CHEATED on her and is now living with his mistress It must've broken her heart And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't want my kid anywhere near that mess tbh
ROBERT Yeah but none of it is actually true Plus she doesn't have much of a choice, Avri's my daughter too We have shared custody and there's nothing she can do about it
LANA Jeez no wonder she hates our guts if you care so little about her feelings
ROBERT Of course I care about her feelings But what else do you want me to do? I tried to convince her I never cheated, she won't believe me
LANA Do you think I should talk to her?
ROBERT God NO That's a terrible idea Look just let me handle it, okay? Susan will come around
LANA I hope so...
ROBERT And don't start getting paranoid like you always do
LANA 🙄🙄🙄 Whatever Just come home, I'm sick of having important conversations over text
ROBERT I'll be back at 4 Don't do anything rash while I'm not here I love you
