SAD ROBOT: an autobiography of my unfortunate existence

95. HIRAM'S MANY QUESTIONS

95.  HIRAM'S MANY QUESTIONS

 "Beth, I have so many questions."

"Go ahead, Hiram. I'll answer what I can."

It is late. Nat has fallen asleep on the large hotel bed while Beth and I speak in softer tones over in the furthest corner so as not to disturb her.

"It is interesting how a large percentile of humans think life has no ultimate meaning, yet there are many others that do indeed posit an ultimate meaning. How can they be so contradictory to one another?"

Her brows furrow as Beth ponders how exactly to answer my question.

I do not wish to ask too many questions, or too difficult of questions. I do not wish to be a nuisance. I only desire to hear Beth's answers. She holds my utmost of respect, and I trust no other being more than her in the handling of such questions, for she is wise beyond her human years.

I decide I will only ask as far as Beth is willing to answer. If she invites another question, I will gladly oblige; if not, then I will refrain from any further.

"I think many are very, very afraid of the vastness of the implications, Hiram. Either that or they hate, they despise and are repelled by, those same implications. Because if life has meaning, then the only way for it to have any objective meaning is for there to be a God."

"I would concur."

"Yes -"

"Life is seemingly pointless without God."

"Astute observation."

"Thank you."

"The implications of there being a God..."

"Are what humans fear and - or - hate."

She sighs. "Yes."

"Why do you think this is so?"

"It goes back to the very beginning, I think."

"The beginning? Of humanity?"

"Well, yes. Humans, from the beginning, have always rebelled against God. They always seem to think they don't need Him, that they can handle everything on their own, that they are the masters of their own fate. But we have proved ourselves wrong over and over again. We humans are.... so broken."

"Humans can't be broken like robots. So, in a different way?"

"Yes, in a different way. Our biggest problem is our nature, the way we are. It is hard to avoid the conclusion that there is something fundamentally wrong with the world, that is wrong with humans specifically."

"Like why they do bad things to one another."

"Yes, exactly. Yet the concept of this is offensive and ludicrous to many. They often do not understand it or what we mean by the word "sin" when we call it this."

"Hmm. This is very interesting. I will have to learn more about this. I do not comprehend much of the nature of this sin, as you put it."

"That's okay, Hiram. I wouldn't expect you to. At least not right away."

"It is very complicated."

"Yes."

"Humans. God. I wish to know, but there is so much to know. So much that humans themselves do not even know."

"True, yes."

Our conversation pauses.

"Hiram, what do you think about the question you asked me? About an ultimate meaning."

Beth always likes to turn questions back around to me, I have noticed this recurring tactic. I do not mind though. She is inquisitive; it is one of the many aspects of her unique personality that I enjoy.

"The problem of God poses a big dilemma to humans," I say. "It does not simply seem to be a question of whether a human should be able to arbitrarily decide if the reality of God is true or not; and to believe in him as a matter of 'should I believe or not', or 'do I wish to believe or not'. No; it appears to be much more than that. Yet most humans appear to think of this question as inconsequential. I will never understand.

Beth, to me it not only makes all moral choices meaningless, but it makes life meaningless too."

Her eyes have never left me as I am speaking, nodding throughout. She appears to enjoy the listening, as if she is the humanoid gleaming personality aspects from conversation and not me.

"But yet," I carry on, "many, if not most, humans seem to live a certain way, from what I can tell. Although I haven't met a large number of humans. It still seems to be that they live a certain way, as if certain things are better than others. Like they live as if it is better to seek peace instead of war and chaos. To tell the truth - mostly - instead of lying. To care and nurture rather than to destroy. Like you, and Nat. And even Milo too. Even though there are humans who do not care about these things, it does not cancel out the ones who do.

And so, Beth, it appears that you humans believe that these choices are important. That they are not pointless. That it matters which way you choose to live. Yet, if Heaven is empty and the Cosmic Intelligence that is God is truly absent, then who is really to say that one choice is better than the others? You can argue and argue about it, but it would be just pointless arguing, endless proceedings. If God is not there, then the whole entire span of human civilization, even if it lasts just a few million years, will be only an infinitesimally brief spark in relation to the oceans of dead time that preceded it and will come to follow. There will be no one around to remember any of it. Whether you are loving or you are cruel, in the end it would make no difference at all."