SAD ROBOT: an autobiography of my unfortunate existence

23. DATING APPLICATION

23. DATING APPLICATION 

10:36pm
June 13, 2036

Sad_Robot23 writes: 

I received in my inbox what is referred to as a Dating Application. I find the premise behind the document increasingly bizarre and am having a rather difficult time attempting to discern whether it is vitally important standard documentation and must be regarded in utmost seriousness, or if it is a conjuring of my bacheloretteʼs intriguing sense of humor. Either way, I suppose I will have to obey as long as my answers do not come off as inherently robotic in nature, therefore breaking my cover and throwing the other party into instant alarm with shouts of "Robot! Robot! Trying to pretend itʼs human!" My plan would then temporarily be foiled and Miloʼs profile banned from the website, and an investigation put into place, all putting me back into square one, as the saying goes.

For curiosityʼs sake for anyone reading, I have attached a few of the questions I found on this strange document, most of which are puzzling as to their purpose in being necessary questions for the selection of a potential suitor.

A few examples:

Question 15: If you could only tell me about ONE of your redeeming qualities to convince me of your upstanding citizenry, what is it and why?

Question 18: If you or someone you know had access to a time-travel device, what would you use it for and why?

Question 22: If you had to convince my father that you meet his lofty standards of being able to date his daughter, how would you proceed to do so?

Question 27: If you and I were in the midst of an evil robot uprising, how would you protect me and continue to ensure our survival?

Question 33: Describe the top three items on your bucket list.

Question 34: Now describe the top three items on your bucket list if you only had one week left to live.

Question 40: Do you ever think about the crushing existential weight of being alive? How does it make you feel?

I guess we will see if my answers will suffice and that I have been able to tap into Miloʼs personality well enough to ensure adequate enough answers to provide this Ava girl with enough reason to approve this application and proceed to whatever the next step may be.

Later....

Success! I have just received word that my (Miloʼs) application for the intent to date has been accepted. It received much praise and is what Ava has deemed ʻworthy of a gold star.ʼ Apparently, as I have just learned, both parties must agree to meet and then go through a somewhat lengthy authorization page and successfully attain identification verification from the host-site before being allowed to proceed to the next step: meeting in the physical form.

This procedure is meant to ensure the highest standard of safety for both parties involved. You must first be verified as human, submit to a criminal record check, then sign multiple waivers and agreements with the law as stated by the governmentʼs Department of Citizen Safety & Regulations.

All of Miloʼs records are in my possession, making it very easy for me to complete all necessary items. Pretty soon, I have reached a page telling me, ʻSuccess! Permission to meet granted.ʼ

Next, we must set up a day, time, and location for this meeting to occur. In further written correspondence, she suggests a quaint coffee shop in the downtown shopping district in the early-evening, three days from now. I know the area quite well. So I agree.

Now, to inform Milo that he has a date. 

*end post*