SAD ROBOT: an autobiography of my unfortunate existence

25. ROBOT SONGS FOR A LITTLE ROBOT MAN

25. ROBOT SONGS FOR A LITTLE ROBOT MAN

Future Electronics was a long, narrow store compacted into the cramped-for- space shopping district. Lengthy aisles of gadgets, used and bargain-priced. A few people browsed the aisles and elevator music played out of the ceiling speakers.

Milo walked through the rows of these futuristic-looking gadgets that had become merely common consumer products. He hardly gave them a second glance. Technology moved much faster than one could keep up with, and the purpose of many of these objects was far beyond Miloʼs realm of knowledge.

At the back of the store where the aisles ended was a large space labelled with a sign declaring it the ʻRobotics Section.ʼ.

This space was scattered with spare parts and half-built robots. Arms and legs lay on tables amongst other pieces of robotic hardware. This must be where robots go to die, Milo remembers thinking. All of those poor, useless Class Ones that nobody wants anymore, relegated to the spare parts heap or the recycle bin.

Along the side walls were a few robots entirely built and intact, save for the outer skin layer - a somewhat disturbing sight. They looked faintly human, if humans were made out of wires and processor units and metallic exoskeletons.

Milo gawked around, never having seen anything quite like it before.

He passed a couple well-dressed female mannequin-like robots standing in poses, with hands on hips, as if they really were just mannequins in a clothes shop. At this time, these mannequin robots were the most realistic of their kind. They made him a tad bid uncomfortable.

—
"Amazing what they can do, isnʼt it?" 

Startled, Milo turned to find one of the storeʼs salesmen:, a young, clean-shaven man, maybe a little crazy- looking (but really, who wasnʼt these days?). Milo thought he could see the eccentricity in his eyes, as if every day in this store for him was like being a kid in a toy store. 

"You seem new to the world of robotics, yes?" 

"Yeah...I donʼt really know too much about them," he admitted. 

"Then youʼve come to the right place." 

He admired the two female robots that Milo had been ogling and urged Milo that it was alright, he could touch them if he wanted to. 

Milo ran a hand down the arm of one of the females. 

"Theyʼre not just robots!" the man said, exuberant on the subject. "Not in the traditional sense anyway. They are complex, remarkably intelligent beings that can fully interact with us humans in a way that makes them seem just as human as us!"

Milo felt the skin on the hand of the female robot. It wasnʼt quite human skin, but not solid plastic either. There was a softness to it.

"Isnʼt that the scary part?" Milo asked, "The fact that theyʼre becoming more and more like real people?"

"Hardly. I think itʼs absolutely remarkable. Donʼt you?" 

"The first time I met one, I didnʼt even realize it right away." 

"Amazing, wasnʼt it? Technology has sure come a long ways."

"But how is it possible? For them to appear to be able to hold a conversation, notice things, tell you things..."

"They are able to observe and comment on their environments as well as speak their own thoughts regarding those observations and interactions with humans. What they do is gather data about their owner through perception and observation."

Milo let that sink in for a moment. They actually get to know you. To really know you. 

"Doesnʼt it scare you that these things are basically as smart as us? Donʼt you feel like they could easily replace us? I know it scares me." 

The man didnʼt seem worried at all, not one bit.

"I donʼt think that is true at all, my friend. They could never replace a well-trained man or woman in their respective field if that is what concerns you. These humanoids are only meant to make our lives easier and better. Not the reverse."

***

"Hiram, are you self- aware?" 

"Are you?" 

"I think so."

"I think so too." 

Sometimes they have the strangest conversations. 

How does a robot like Hiram become as aware of his surroundings yet still acknowledge the fact that he is not real , that he is just an artificial intelligence, a created being? How can you go your whole life knowing just as much as any human yet know that you are not like them at all? That you are just a robot. It is a wonder robots arenʼt more clinically depressed.

"How are you able to be self-aware?" Milo asks Hiram. 

"Because I am just a robot. And you are not. I accept this. I am what I am, and you are what you are." 

"Thatʼs very philosophical, Hiram." 

"Thank you, Milo." 

Milo decides to press further to see what he would get. 

"When you see other humans, do you wish you were like them?" 

"No." 

"You donʼt sometimes wish you werenʼt a robot?" 

"No. You canʼt become something you are not." 

"I suppose. But what is it like to be self- aware?" 

"Depressing, mostly." 

"Because you have to accept things the way they are." 

"Yes." 

"I think Iʼm beginning to understand you a bit, Hiram." 

He totters over to the sound system of the living room and touches the console to choose a song to play over the speakers. Milo didnʼt know he listened to music. He never thought Hiram really understood what music even was, that music was solely a human thing, but perhaps robots liked a good tune once in a while too.

     "A little robot man to call my own,
     I'd never have to worry that he wou-ouldn't phone
     He'd never dance with anyone but me,
     I'd just have to wind him with a robot key"

Connie Francis wailed on one of her songs from the nineteen-sixties. "I didnʼt know robots listened to music, Hiram."

"Maybe they can if they want to."

This intrigued Milo more than anything. To know that their brains could be programmed to respond to music. Hiram started swaying his hips to the upbeat tune in a rather awkward, robotic manner. It was the most bizarre thing Milo had probably ever seen.

"What kind of music do you like?" 

"Songs about robots," he says. 

He shouldʼve deduced that. 

Robots enjoy songs about robots. How outlandishly bizarre. A clever quirk put in by the programmers. I'll give 'em points for creativity, that's for certain. 

"How can robots enjoy music?" 

"I like robot songs."

"How?" 

"I donʼt know." 

"Ah. Okay." 

Milo leaves him so he can listen to his robot song.