use somebody // harry styles au

Chapter 33

Ain't gonna do a recap over here, might be spoiling someone, haha.

echosmith - cool kids

"nothing in this world could, ever bring them down"

(i know has nothing to do with the chapter but you know, this tells about two people finding their own path when everyone else has their own or something idk i just love this song and somehow i feel it's connected to jenna and harry k den)

JENNA'S POV

Not telling Harry was probably the worst but still the best idea I ever had. I was going to tell him, I really was, I just needed time. And suddenly few days turned into two weeks and I always told our mutual friends to keep their mouth shut. He deserved so much better than this, so much better than me, and I guess he was finally realizing it, now being nearly a month since we saw eachother and he visited. And now being a little over two weeks since I.. we lost our baby girl, I figured it was a miracle he didn't know yet.

I had spent all this time grieving, but it can't be a surprise though, I was even now lying on my couch, watching something I didn't even pay attention to, - all I could think about was that little precious girl we lost.

So when I heard some fists pounding at my door, I immediately knew it was him. No one else would be so aggressive. I wiped a tear from my eye, - the crying was now basically all I did, sometimes I even didn't notice the tears, - and walked to the door, opening it.

I didn't even get a chance to look at him before he angrily walked in, and when I closed the door I saw how he was containing himself from yelling at me.

"How the fuck did you think not telling me would help anything? You really think it's funny to hear my own friends talking behind my back about the fact that my baby has died? My baby girl? Huh?" he was fuming with anger, but I wasn't scared. Not anymore.

I looked at him in the eyes, seeing his bloodshot eyes filled with tears, filled with sadness. I felt my heart breaking every second I spent looking at him, although I think there's nothing to break anymore.

"I don't know what I was thinking, okay? You think it's been easy for me, carrying that child in my belly for months, then finding out that she was never going to make it, even if we wanted to. I wanted to tell you myself, I just wasn't ready yet" I explained, even though all of it sounded like a big fat excuse. I really don't know the true reason, why I didn't tell him in the first place, but it's not really a thing to tell over the phone. 'Hey, our girl just died, bye!'. Oh no.

"Wasn't ready yet? Well tell me then, miss Mayer, when were you going to be ready? When I was supposed to come back, waiting for the last days before our girl was suppose to be born. Or when it had gone a year or two and I hadn't heard nothing from my own family? You know, you'll never be ready to tell, or hear news like that" Harry was now talking in his normal, low voice, only I could hear it breaking in the end, and all I wanted to do was run into his embrace and make everything better again.

I had spent most of my days in the nursery, thinking about what it could, and would have been.

"It never gets better, Jenna. You will never forget, I will never forget, she will always be here", he pressed his hand to my heart and looked at me sadly, "and most of all, she will always be our daughter, but there's nothing we could have done."

"There could have been, the doctor's could have made sure everything was okay before the pregnancy went any further and I grew attached to her. Even you settled down with the idea of us being a little family" I tried to defense her death, tears now brimming in my eyes, making my eyes nearly blind.

"Hey, hey..", he now pressed his hands to my cheeks and I leaned into his touch, finally letting him comfort me and pressing myself against his chest, rounding my arms around his waist. I felt him gripping me tightly, as we silently stood there, our sobbing being the only sound in the whole apartment.

"I.. We can't be like this. You have your girlfriend and your own life now" I finally broke the silence, detaching myself from him and taking a few small steps back.

"I don't have a girlfriend, me and her were over after that time when I came to your place and poured my heart out to you. It's always you, Jenna, it has always been" he stated softly, but I shook my head.

"It can't be like this, Harry. Just because we now have something in common, doesn't mean I can take you back."

"Why not? Times like these show our true feelings, and I know you love me, Jen" he looked at me sadly, and I'm pretty sure his eyes even had some regret in them. Regret of all the mistakes he had made in the past.

I bit my lip and walked back to him, like I knew I always would. "We're taking it slow. We've lost something that changed our lives forever, that broke something inside us, but in times like these, I guess it's more than important to be there for eachother."

A small smile crept up to his lips and he took me to his embrace, keeping me as close to him as possible. Tears were now streaming down from the faces of both of us, and at this very moment, I felt such sadness, but at the same time happiness.

{so i think we have 1-3 chapters left and then an epilogue :-| but anyways a little happiness in the middle of sadness, right? love you so much, please remember to vote and especially COMMENT! ♥ xoxo}