use somebody // harry styles au

Chapter 4

"What kind of impact would it have on your life, if one of your closest people would go away from your life? Maybe die, maybe just leave, what would you feel?" our English teacher asked the class, causing my heart to beat faster, my body shaking and mind to explode with sadness.

You would think that I first thought about the feelings I had when my mom died, but I thought about something nearly that horrible. What if Harry died? What if one day I just woke up and he didn't move? He would just lie there with absolutely no emotion, lifeless.

"I want you to write about it, start an essay about your feelings. You have free hands otherwise but it has to explain your emotions after losing someone" he continued and I bit my lip, pressing the pencil to a white sheet.

A part of me would die with him. But not just some small piece of my heart. I would lose every single emotion I have inside me, I would have no joy in life.

It's not like breaking up. It's far worse. At least when you break up, you still have a chance to someday see his cheeky grin somewhere, but if he died.. It's like everything I have put my faith into, falls apart. Like every single thing I did, or said, just turned into memories and doesn't mean anything to anybody.

My life would become complete hell. I love him so much it nearly hurts me everyday. I don't know how I managed to get through my life before, without him, but now that I have him, I can't even imagine of letting go.

Even the idea hurts. Let go. It's like you're a kid who saw a lost puppy and has to let it go. It's like a grandpa who finds his glasses after hours of searcing but then loses them again. My life is nothing without him. He's the moon in my nightsky, he's the smoke in my cigarette. I'm lost without him.

I have already lost a very important person in my life, and even though it has been 13 years since that, I still get sad every now and then, wondering why her? And now I'm at this point in my life, where he is all I have, so I can't even imagine how lost I would be.

I would be glad if I were planning on a wedding, but you'll never know if the planning turns into planning for a funeral. And that's something I never want to do. I don't want to watch as the love of my life gets buried underneath, I don't want to watch as I lose him forever. It is not about the fact that I can't continue with my life after that, but it is about the fact that I don't want to continue my life without him.

Now that I'm thinking about all this, I do realize that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, he is the one I want to become wife to. These kinds of feelings are unfamiliar to me, but they are so strong that I can't control myself. I have tried to stop myself from falling too much, too quick, but it's hard to stop when he is all I ever wanted.

I would take all the fighting, all the crying, all the heartbreak a hundred times, just to prevent from losing him. I need him to be complete.

He's my everything.

I noticed few tear stains on the paper but I quietly stood up and handed it to the professor, who looked at me with curious but somewhat friendly and understanding eyes. "You are dismissed, ms Mayer"

I nodded with a smile and grabbed my things, walking out of the class, releasing a breath once I got out.

"Jen, I'm here!" I heard my curly shout from my left side and a smile crept to my lips, it felt hard to think, not even mentioning to write about those things of Harry, but it felt good to release all my feelings towards him.

I walked to him as he leaned down to peck his lips but he pulled out worriedly. "Are you ok? Have you been crying?"

"Yeah, um, we just wrote about a hard subject on English, nothing interesting" I assured him with a smile and he took his lip piercing between his teeth, looking as if he was comprehending whether to believe me or not.

"Oh, okay. Let's go to the Paris-meeting and then go for dinner?"

"Yeah, sounds good, babe" I smiled and Harry took my hand in his, leading me through the hallways towards the French class.

We took our seats in the back of the class as madame Roux glared at us in the beginning of the class.

"Since mr Styles and ms Mayer here have been absent for five classes inside a week, the rest of the class has already picked a hotel and a date for the trip. We will be leaving in one and a half week, so that we'll spend a week there and come home just a week before Christmas. The hotel is a four star hotel and girls are going to group in two rooms and guys are sharing one room" she continued explaining some shit about rules but I was interrupted by Harry's voice whispering in my ear.

"I will buy us our own room for the week, I'm not suffering a week without me inside your body."

{i'm so so so sorry for not updating yesterday even though i promised! i had to read for my physics exam and it turned out to be a hard one so i had to really study hard for it. so i tried to kinda make it somehow up in this chapter by revealing how much jenna truly cares about harry and yeah. thank you for fans and votes and comments, keep doing it, ilysm xo}