Vorfreude

Chapter 25

The entire venue isn't as large as I thought it was going to be now that everything has been put together and in the perspective of an actual book signing. I'm actually whiplashed that within the ten minutes we were waiting in the back, everything was brought out and put up.

The store has blocked off a small section and set up maybe forty chairs, all facing towards a basic wood table in the front that has one white wooden chair directly in the middle. I'm assuming this is where I'll be sitting.

That's very intimidating, to say the least.

I make small talk with one of the store's employees as she tells me she read my collection and was very pleased with it up until security lets in the first forty individuals to take their seats.

Andy has created a small speech for me to say, but the more I read over it, the more I dislike it. It's not... me. My nerves may be hype, but my gratitude to these people is more than deserving. They honestly didn't have to buy my book. More importantly, they didn't have to show up here today.

Once everyone is seated, the manager of the store steps out and introduces me. Everything from that moment forward becomes hazy. I don't know how I find the strength to walk out there, but I do. I don't know how I make it to my seat without stumbling, but I do. I don't know how I have the encouragement to grab the mic and allow everyone's eyes to glue to me as I make up an appreciative speech, but I do. And I do everything with the confidence I had the day I told John he wasn't allowed to touch the format of my book, causing all of this to be set in motion.

I don't know what it is that overcomes me, but I need more of that in my life.

"To say this is a dream come true is a blessing, but to live out this blessing is something so phenomenal, I'll forever be thankful for it. Without you guys, none of this would be possible. Knowing that one of my poems was able to touch someone in this room in a way that isn't necessarily easy to express or that someone in here was reading through this and thought "hmm, maybe I'm not so alone," that is what I'm here for. That is what I wrote this book for. I cannot wait to meet each of you and to hear your story!"

I set the mic down and everyone applauds. Glancing over to Andy, he looks at me like a proud dad. I'm surprised he isn't angry with me for not sticking to his script. His notes were very straight forward and without emotion. Maybe he was hoping I'd take a leap and speak from the heart instead of reading over his printed words. That's what a normal person would do anyway.

The words came out so smooth. I didn't even have to time to process what I was saying which in the long run is something I've never been able to do before when it comes to speeches.

As people start lining up via the security's request, I take in a deep breath. I have overcome one small fear and am ready to start going through my checklist of my others.

I begin meeting my readers and instantly hear incredible things. I am blown away at the amount of tattoos people have gotten that are scripted from my poems. Each one holds a new meaning. Tons of people explain their interpretations which really gets me thinking because while I wrote certain verses to mean one thing, to someone else, it means something completely different.

Before I know it, the line feathers out and I'm actually completely calm. Two people are left awaiting my signature and the rest of the staff lingers behind to grab their copies at the end.

There's one girl in a bright red, Mickie Mouse themed dress, and a guy in a blue hoodie with his back to me, typing away on his phone.

The girl doesn't say anything really. She just bellows a "hello," and hands me her book. I try to make a simple conversation by asking "how are you?" but she blushes and walks away as I hand it back to her. I'm left smiling, trying to figure her out. She was the only person not to speak to me. To be honest, her persona is much like mine though if I had a more adventurous wardrobe. I think at my first book signing when I met Anna Todd, went almost the same way. I didn't speak too much because that was my idol and there she was sitting not even a foot in front of me. I'm not saying I would come close to being this girls idol, but I can understand the pressure if she were to like my writing.