Vorfreude

Chapter 34

Isn't it funny the way time moves? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our days that we forget each morning begins another chapter in our lives. Some times those chapters are meant to be extended and we don't realize it because we are so caught up in living that we forget to take a moment and actually live. As I lay in bed tonight, in a new city, in a room completely dark and unmoving, I have to honestly force myself to recollect on everything that has happened in this past week. It's been a complete week since Ant went home. A week since I've physically coherently talked to him. I've tried calling every night and he does answer, but I'm lucky if I even get to hear his voice for a solid minute before he states he's busy and can't actually talk right now. I trust him, therefore I have no choice but to believe he is actually busy and not just avoiding me. I'll give him a few more days before I begin to worry on that spectrum. The only reason I'm not freaking out over this is because he's been texting me 24/seven like normal and I don't feel detached from him. This is normal Anthony to me. He hates talking on the phone but will tolerate it for me. Texting, on the other hand, is something he'll blow your phone up with. Two days ago, I thought my phone was going to literally explode because Erin sent a message in our group chat that she's flying home next week, and Ant and I both went mad with overjoyed excitement. Ant kinda got upset that she's going to fly to Orlando to one of my signings before she flys back to Texas, but he soon got over it because he loves her and I think a lot of our problems occurred because he's missing her and will not admit it. One thing I can actually conclude though is I finally feel like I can breathe with the whole scenario. It's over, it's behind us. We are okay.

Every other day, Oliver, Andy and I have flown to a new city and have met some extraordinary people along the way. Each signing that I've done has been magnificent. The people have been so sweet and I wish I was allowed to spend more time with each of them. One thing that has happened that blows my mind is the amount of people has dramatically increased. Andy took the precaution and has decided to increase my security within each signing due to the unbelievable crowds that surround me not just at events but now in public too. Within ONE week, everything has become more magnified.

Oliver lays beside me, asleep and softly snoring. He has the ironed hotel sheets wrapped around his torso and his face is down into the pillow. One of his arms drapes across my stomach and the other looks as if it could be dislocated. Tonight was the first night he's touched me since the fiasco of Anthony's visit. To be honest, I was quite hesitant to be near him, but when his fingers trailed over my sex and drew a bliss between my legs that I couldn't describe, I let him win.

"Let me taste you," he begs. My legs instantly closed. His fingers wrap firmly around the insides of my thighs from underneath me and tug them back open. "You need to stop being so self conscious, Kat. You're beautiful. Fucking aesthetic."

As I stare at him, I can still feel the warmth of his mouth lingering down below. Oliver's tongue does things a normal tongue takes a lifetime to learn. I would like to believe I'm not gaining feelings for him, but it's hard when I ache for his touch yet want to distance myself from that sort of romantic relationship altogether. Friends with benefits, that's all this is, I tell myself. But the small part of me that has anxiety questions if Oliver is even my friend.

I roll away from his body and get up to go lay in my own bed. We've finally set up a system. We get one room with two beds so neither of us has to endure sleeping alone. Or I should say, I suggested it to Andy because we always end up in each other's room to watch TV or eat dinner together anyway, and Oliver clearly didn't object. Each day I've learned something new about Oliver that makes me question his character more and more. His appearance tells the story of a lean, mean, tough machine, but his insides are completely different. A part of me believes his heart is even more caring than mine, however, it's easy to see a wall go up the minute something that hurts him is brought up. Especially anything along the lines of ex-girlfriends. I made the mistake and asked him if he was a player back in high school, going around and breaking all the girl's hearts. He instantly shut down and told me I didn't have a right to make assumptions about his past, which I couldn't disagree with. I should've never said that. Since then I've just been taking the small things he offers me without me asking, like how he enjoys science fiction books and occasionally mystery novels. He loves James Patterson but hates anything involving IT. He enjoys comedy's but cannot stand rom-com movies. He ultimately wants to be in the publishing world, behind the works in the editing department, but because he didn't go to college, he doesn't believe he will ever get there. I tried to be his moral support but he once again shut me down. Oliver is brilliantly intelligent and it's sad that he doesn't see that in himself.