Vorfreude

Chapter 27

Anthony's POV

My eyes flutter open in a sudden movement. The world is spinning.

It takes me a minute to realize I'm actually up in the air on a plane instead confining with stable land legs, hence the sudden motion sickness. I partially blame all the medication running through my veins for this. The rest of it, I just blame on gravity.

I look next to me and notice Kat's out of her seat. She must've went to the restroom. Everyone else around me appears to be dozing or fast asleep. Man, late night flights are such a buzz kill.

Yawning, I pull my phone out of my hoodie and read the time. We've been in the air only 2 and a half hours. I can't believe I crashed. I guess that's what happens when you get a layover that runs into your sleep schedule.

This is going to cut my trip with Kat even shorter. There's so many things that I want to say to her. There's so many things that I need to tell her, but I don't exactly know how to bring these things up. I shouldn't have let her leave without admitting at least one of these things to her. I need her more than ever yet I've been pushing her away. Overall, I'm afraid telling her these things will be a breaking point in our friendship and right now, that's definitely more than I can handle.

"You don't have much time, Anthony," my subconscious tells me. It's been doing that to me a lot. I'm not one to argue with myself, but lately it's been a battle of what's morally right and what I think is right.

I scratch my head and ponder just how long I do have. I can't believe I'm only 21 years old and have to think about something like this.

If anything, there's only two things I really need to think about right now: One, I don't know how Kat's going to take the incident of what we did together, probably not well, but I have to tell her before I go home. That's driving me crazy. And then two, the other thing which I definitely know she's not going to take well but still needs to be aware of has to be stated sooner rather than later.

I need to focus on those two things.

This is my best friend we're talking about. She's not going to leave me. Why would I even think that? This is the person who is MY person. Keeping important pieces of information from her is making me physically ill. I know if things were reversed, Kat wouldn't be such a dick. Then again, am I really being a dick? This is her dream come true. I'm not about to jeopardize any of this which brings me back to the struggle of if I should tell her the second thing or if I should remain handling it like I have been. I know if I tell her, she's going to try to give it all up. Kat deserves to share her brilliant mind with the rest of the world and the rest of the world is privileged to endure everything her brilliant mind has to offer. I saw the way she interacted with her readers tonight. This is what she was born to do.

I've never seen her so happy.

That's it, I'm not telling her the second thing. Not yet at least. I want what's best for her and I'm not going to be the reason she gives up everything before it's even started. I'll wait until this book tour is almost over before I tell her. That way she'll have seen the world and will thank me for pushing her out there.

I would do anything for this woman and I know she'd do anything for me. She's been my rock throughout the last 15 years. She pulled me out of a depression that would've ended my life when we were 17. She helped me take care of my sick mother before she passed away when we were 18. At 19 she helped land me the career of my dreams before I even graduated college and by 20, she taught me the true definition of love. I owe her everything and so much more.

I need to start being a better friend.

I'm lowkey jealous of how Kat and Oliver spoke to each other earlier at the signing and how they have continued speaking to each other throughout the night. I can tell they have became close friends in the past couple of days. It kind of hurts knowing she can attach to someone else so soon and she looks so... comfortable. She's such a quiet, reserved person. I've never known her to look so alive and vibrant with someone she's just met. It's not that I feel like she's replacing me. I know she'd never do that. I just feel almost out of the equation when they're talking about things. I guess this is how others feel when they get mixed into Kat's and I's heated debates.

Part of this detachment is my fault once again. I do realize how distant I've been, even before she left. I know Kat. She isn't good at reaching out in terms of her feelings, verbally or in actions. It's selfish to say, but I've been using this to my advantage. That's a lot of the reason I've stepped back and took as breather as I've been sorting out this situation. She's always afraid she's annoying me or being too clingy, which would never be a case. I blame the stupid fucker that messed her up mentally with that; however I guess without him, she wouldn't have created half of the poems that landed her where she is.

"You're up?" Kat asks, returning to her seat and flopping down. I turn to my side to face her.

"Yeah," I reply, looking up to catch Oliver's tall body walking down the isle towards us coming from the bathroom as well. He sits down behind her, but doesn't make eye contact with me.

That's weird.

"How long have you been up?" she asks.

I turn towards her even more with sudden questions. "Not that long. Just a couple minutes. Why?"

As I begin to think about it, she was in the bathroom quite a long time.

"No reason," she initiates, reaching for her phone that sits in-between us. I nod, but keep my eyes on her in observation. God, she's beautiful.

Her skin is flushed and her breathing is quite rapid for someone who just went to use the restroom and returned though. I look down at her neck and spot several deep red splotches pulsating on top of her pale flesh.

That's double weird.

She goes to a text conversation on her phone, quickly typing out something I can't read then locks it. Her eyes come back up to me. I smile and grab my own phone, pretending to look at it to avoid conversation. I glance back and see Oliver smiling as he looks down at his phone. He types something out then looks up at the back of Kat's head. Her screen lights up and she's back to being occupied in its display.

Hold up.

Oliver makes eye contact with me and I realize what just happened. His hair is tousled and his aura is just as wild as hers.

No.

NO.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me right now.

She just had fucking sex with her "bodyguard" in the fucking bathroom of a plane?

I can't help as anger arises in me.

What the actual fuck.

I shove my headphones back in my ear and turn my music up louder than it was before. Maneuvering my body, I completely turn away from Katherine and into the window to hide my sudden disgust. I cannot fucking believe her. Here I am alarmed at the sole fact that her and I had sex because she doesn't go around hooking up and she went and hooked up with him?!

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I hate silent readers because I want to know what you are thinking.

And I also hate to say it but if you're reading this book, you're probably going to hate me for fucking with your emotions by the end.