Vorfreude

Chapter 44

"What's something that scares you?" Harry asks rolling on to his side from his position on the floor. The day shifted to night faster than I expected, but I will not lie, Harry is even more attractive with the moonlight dancing along his face and a hint of alcohol still running through his blood.

"A lot of things scare me," I say without thinking too much about it. I roll on my side towards him too. We are close, but exceptionally too far away. The past few hours have been nothing but sanity as we've expressed our true authentic selves to one another with no regret. "Anxiety doesn't really give me a sound peace of mind."

"I get that," he instantly counters. His green emeralds shine from the starlight peaking in from the large windows. Honey-colored specks that are normally hard to see twinkle the brightest at me. How does light conquer the night when beauty is the definition of living? "But without anxiety being involved, what is something that literally terrifies the living shit out of you, yet you dream of devouring it?"

I pull my eyes from him and begin to ponder on that question. I've never really thought about anything like that. I'm not the kind of girl that makes a bucket list and tries to cross everything on it out. I don't think I'd ever make or attempt something like that. Everything I could ever fear is the life I'm living at the moment and somehow I'm making it through it.

"I really don't know..." I barely whisper. Harry's voice becomes quiet.

"I fear love," he says giving me an answer to his own question which for some reason jolts every atom inside of my body to its magnetic pair. My whole body freezes. My heart instantly breaks because I think of her...

"What about Pia?"

His eyebrows raise and he looks up to the ceiling. Silence swarms us. Why would that be the first thing I could think of following his confession?

"I'm sorry, that's too intrusive," I follow up realizing that something like this isn't actually my business. I just want to know more though. Could someone like Harry actually be afraid to love? His girlfriend is one of the most beautiful, most nicest and most influential women on this planet? I'm no dummy. Pia is every man's dream. He has to be fibbing.

"No, no. It's logical. I just don't know how to answer that."

I roll back over onto my back. Clearly, I've overstepped like I always do. Why am I so nosey when it comes to Harry? I normally let things linger because things that aren't my business, aren't my business and I don't care to insert my self in the situation because it isn't my business. Maybe it's because I'm denying myself of how much I like him. Maybe I'm slightly jealous. Do I actually like like him?

"Katherine, I trust you," Harry sighs, reaching for my hand to pull me back to face him. I allow him. Yep, I really do like him. He picks up my hand and intertwines our fingers. " I don't know you like a life long friend, but I know your character well enough to tell you this and not worry about you running off to the press however I'm just scared of finally admitting it."

I squeeze his hand a little out of sympathy, maybe a little of something more. It's evident on his face that whatever he's about to say is bothering him to no end.

"It's just you and me. There's no reason to be afraid of admitting anything. You can trust me even if you have doubts. My parents raised me better than that."

"I have no doubts," he confides, "I just have simple regrets about who I am to the world. It's not the real me. Pia and I aren't actually dating. She's just another publicity stunt to keep both of our numbers high. I honestly don't really care to be around her as a person much less as a romantic partner. I've surprisingly never been in love with anyone really."